Are People Addicted to Online Dating?
Hi, Deanna. I’ve been online dating for the last 9 mths and have been on several dates. Before our date, texting and phone calls are great and when we meet the date goes wonderfully. At the end of the date we hug goodbye, the guy says he has a great time and let’s do it again, but then I never hear from him. Occasionally they will send me texts saying they hope to see me soon, meanwhile I notice that they are always logged in online and I never end up hearing from them either. I’m beginning to feel like online dating doesn’t even work, I feel like men are addicted to online dating and I’m wasting my time. I just don’t understand, are they addicted or am I doing something wrong? Lilia V., 31 Burnaby, BC
Thank you, for such a great question. I think this is an issue that a lot of people struggle with, they have put in a lot of effort, built the perfect profile, take the time to get to know and communicate with others but still no results. I believe in online dating and I always recommend that it be a part of my client’s plan when looking for their perfect match. However, I also believe that it’s only a small part of what you should be doing to find love. Online dating is great for a multitude of reasons, but it does have its drawbacks.
At the touch of your fingertips, you have access to a huge range of people that you would never normally meet in your day to day life. You immediately know that they are available, if you find them attractive and their interests. This is also why online dating has its draw backs and some people get addicted to their inbox. It plays into people’s sense of fantasy and can give some what I like to call a “grass is always greener” mentality and that goes for both men and women.
People meet, they like you, you like them, but they get home and their inbox is full of other attractive options. And it’s not that they don’t like you, it’s that they have options that at a glance might seem better or at least worth checking out. And not only do they have an inbox with several new messages, if they are a typical online dater, they are corresponding, as you most likely are, with at least a few other people.
Sometimes getting that second date has nothing to do with being online, it’s that the date didn’t go as wonderfully as you thought. I would reflect on your previous dates and see if there is a common theme of typical dating don’ts. Some examples are lateness, oversharing, not listening or not showing interest in the other person. And sometimes there is no reason, there is just no chemistry, 95% of the people out there aren’t going to be right for you. If they were we would have a real problem.
So what are some tips to getting the second or even third date?
First, I would take the pressure off and think of your initial first meeting not as a date but more as a meet-up or get together. Emailing, texting and talking on the phone only prepares you so much for meeting that person in real life.
People are initially physically attracted to someone but emotional attraction is what drives them to want to spend time with you. Online dating puts you in a very unnatural situation, so in order to take it to the next level, you have to showcase at least 3 or 4 parts of your personality to get what is basically a virtual strangers attention. You can do this by showing as much of your personality as you can, but you aren’t trying to necessarily impress the person, but to show them who you are, so it’s important to always be authentic.
Think of it this way, you want someone that’s fun, attractive, smart, charismatic, sexy, creative, loyal and caring. And guess what? So do they. By showing those different sides to you, they are going to see how unique and desirable you are and you are going to really stand out from the crowd.
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