“You’re such a great catch, why are you still single?”
If you’ve been single for awhile I’m sure you’ve been asked this question or a version of it one to many times. It can come from anyone from well meaning parents, relatives, friends and even the people you go on dates with.
As time goes by and you remain uncoupled, the question can start to feel like unwanted attention and pressure, almost as if they’re asking “What’s wrong with you?”
First, its important to keep in mind that even though it might not feel that way, when it comes from friends and family they aren’t asking to criticize or judge you. They’re usually coming from a place of love, seeing all your wonderful qualities and wanting only the best for you.
When the question comes from your date, that’s usually someone that unfortunately doesn’t know how to make good conversation. Often not realizing that going down this road can give the date an interview vibe, add judgmental overtones and make an already uncomfortable situation more awkward.
Lets begin with a couple of things to be aware of and not to say when answering. First, avoid long drawn out stories that make you feel as if you have to justify why you’ve never had a serious relationship or why a string of relationships haven’t worked out. You’re dating and sometimes things just don’t work out, not everyone is going to be a fit and that’s ok, you don’t need to justify that or feel bad about it for anyone.
The second is to refer from making statements that cast a negative shadow on yourself or the evening. For example, “I’m really picky”, “I attract losers”, “I attract psychopaths” “All women / men are crazy”. Whether it’s true or not it’s important to pay attention to what you’re saying. These kind of statements will usually be taken as a reflection on your personality, casting you in a bad light and leaving them wondering what it is about you that’s attracting those people into your life.
So what should you say to all those well-meaning friends, family and potential matches?
The answer is much simpler than you think.
“I haven’t me the right person yet.”
Simple, easy and effective.
“I haven’t met the right person yet.”
Then redirect the conversation off you and towards them by switching topics. For example at a family gathering you can say something like “I haven’t met the right person yet. What’s new with you, what are your plans this summer?”
If it’s a date you want to answer in a similar way that will keep the conversation going and at the same time show interest in getting to know them. For example “I haven’t met the right person yet. How about you? I’d love to know more about you, how do you usually spend your weekends?”
No more awkward conversations. Isn’t it nice to know that it can be so simple?
Your Coach In Love,
PS. If you use this tip the next time someone asks why you’re single I’d love to know how it goes for you leave me a comment below.
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