“Why Are You Single?” How To Answer The Question Every Time

How to gracefully respond when someone asks why you’re single. The perfect reply that works every time on well-meaning friends, family and your on dates.

“You’re such a great catch, why are you still single?”

If you’ve been single for awhile, I’m sure you’ve been asked this exact question or a version of it (“Are you dating anyone?”, “How are you still single?”, “What happened X person?”) one too many times. 

Usually most prevalent during family gatherings or holidays. The questions can come from anyone parents, relatives, friends and even sometimes the people you go on dates with.

As time goes by and you remain uncoupled. The questions can start to feel embarrassing. Like unwanted attention and pressure. Almost as if they’re asking “What’s wrong with you?”.

So with that in mind, let’s get something out of the way right now.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you or with being single. The truth is that if you look for them. There are many wonderful things about being single.

Like a sense of confidence that comes from being independent, or the freedom to flirt or make out with anyone that tickles your fancy. Or the fact that you can rest easy at night, knowing that you’re not settling for less than you deserve.

How To Respond When Someone Asks Why You’re Single

Get Some Perspective & Don’t Take It Personally

First, it’s important to keep in mind that even though it might not feel that way. When these types of questions come from friends and family they aren’t asking to criticize or judge you.

They’re usually coming from a place of love, curiosity or are just making small talk. They love and care for you. See you with all your wonderful qualities and want only the best for you.

When this type of question is asked by a girl or a guy that you’re on a date with. That’s usually someone who’s likely making small talk. They may be a bit nervous or inexperienced, or just don’t know how to ask good first date questions.

Often not realizing that going down this road can give the date judgmental overtones and make an already uncomfortable situation more awkward.

Do & Don’ts Of Responding To Questions About Your Single Status

Let’s begin with a couple of things to be aware of, and also what not to say when answering questions along these lines.

1. First, avoid long drawn out stories that make you feel as if you have to justify why you’ve never had a serious relationship or why a string of relationships haven’t worked out.

You’re dating and sometimes things just don’t work out. Not everyone is going to be a fit and that’s ok. You don’t need to justify that or feel bad about it for anyone.

2. The second is to refer from making statements that cast a negative shadow on yourself or the evening. For example, “I’m really picky”, “I attract losers”, “I attract psychopaths”, “All women / men are crazy”. Whether in your experience it’s true or not, it’s important to pay attention to what you’re saying.

These kind of statements will usually be taken in subconsciously by the other person as a reflection on your personality. Casting you in a bad light. Ultimately leaving the other person wondering what it is about you that’s attracting those people into your life.

So what should you say to all those well-meaning friends, family and potential matches?

The Perfect And Simple Go To Reply For Family & Friends Who Ask Why You’re Still Single

The great news is that if you do get asked this question, how to answer is much simpler than you may think. Simply say to them:

“I’m dating and having fun. I haven’t met the right person yet but I’m looking forward to when I do.”

Simple, easy and effective.

Then redirect the conversation OFF of you and ON them by switching topics.

For example, at a family gathering you can say something like the above statement, then ask them…”What’s new with you, what are your plans this summer?”

How To Respond When The Person You’re On Date With Asks Why You’re Single

As a professional dating coach with over 15 years of experience, I know that this can be hugely uncomfortable for many people who have been struggling with dating. Or for people that have been single for a long time.

First, I want you to remember that you’re not alone… EVERYONE has baggage….But humans connect with humans.

So as long as you’re working on yourself and growing that is enough. You don’t need to be perfect to find love!

1. What To Say To Your Date If You’ve Been Single A Long Time

In this case if you’re not working with a professional coach who knows your story, it’s best to keep it simple and remember you don’t have to justify your single status to anyone. Just stick to the same statement above, that you would say to friends or family. And then redirect the conversation back to them.

“I’m dating and having fun. I haven’t met the right person yet but I’m looking forward to when I do.”

2. What To Say To Your Date After A Break Up Of A Long Term Relationship

If you’re asked the “Why are you single” question and you’ve just broken up with someone or are newly divorced. It can be hard to know how to respond. Especially when it’s a person that you barely know. However, if you’re willing to be authentic and vulnerable. Then being real about your past can create closeness.

The key is to reframe your story in a way that shows that you’ve healed your past, are emotionally mature and looking for a healthy relationship.

Think in terms of:

– This is what happened.

– This is what I did about it.

– This is what I learned.

– And finally, this is what I’m looking forward to in the future.

Ideally with a response that keeps the conversation going. While at the same time shows interest in getting to know them.

How To Answer Why Are You Single On A Date

“My last boyfriend (or husband / girlfriend/ wife) and I were together for a long time, at first things were good. Then we realized that we weren’t as compatible as we thought. We loved each other and tried to work things out, but in the end we went our separate ways. Since then I’ve spent a lot of time working on myself, and I feel really good about how much I’ve grown as a person. Right now I’m dating and having fun. I haven’t met the right person yet. But I’m looking forward to when I do.”

Then it’s your turn to ask them…”How about you? I’d love to know more about where you’re at and the type of relationship that you’re looking for.”

Though it can be awkward, their response and reaction to the question can give you a lot of insight as to who they are as person. As well as how they operate in a relationship. Including their level of emotional maturity and intentions going forward.

Now that you know what to say when the dreaded “Why are you still single?” question comes up, you can relax. Isn’t it nice to know that it can be so simple?

XO,

Deanna

**THE NEXT STEP**

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Sources – (1)

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