what to say when someone asks why you are single
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What To Say When Someone Asks You Why You’re Still Single

“You’re such a great catch, why are you still single?”

If you’ve been single for awhile I’m sure you’ve been asked this question or a version of it one to many times. It can come from anyone from well meaning parents, relatives, friends and even the people you go on dates with.

As time goes by and you remain uncoupled, the question can start to feel like unwanted attention and pressure, almost as if they’re asking “What’s wrong with you?”

Get Some Perspective

First, its important to keep in mind that even though it might not feel that way, when it comes from friends and family they aren’t asking to criticize or judge you. They’re usually coming from a place of love, seeing all your wonderful qualities and wanting only the best for you.

When the question comes from your date, that’s usually someone that unfortunately doesn’t know how to make good conversation. Often not realizing that going down this road can give the date an interview vibe, add judgmental overtones and make an already uncomfortable situation more awkward.

The Do and Don’ts of Communicating Your Single Status

Let’s begin with a couple of things to be aware of and also not to say when answering.

1. First, avoid long drawn out stories that make you feel as if you have to justify why you’ve never had a serious relationship or why a string of relationships haven’t worked out.

You’re dating and sometimes things just don’t work out, not everyone is going to be a fit and that’s ok. You don’t need to justify that or feel bad about it for anyone.

2. The second is to refer from making statements that cast a negative shadow on yourself or the evening. For example, “I’m really picky”, “I attract losers”, “I attract psychopaths” “All women / men are crazy”. Whether it’s true or not it’s important to pay attention to what you’re saying.

These kind of statements will usually be taken as a reflection on your personality. And cast you in a bad light, leaving them wondering what it is about you that’s attracting those people into your life.

So what should you say to all those well-meaning friends, family and potential matches?

The Perfect and Simple Go To Reply For Family & Friends

The great news is that the answer is much simpler than you think.

Simply state….

“I’m dating and having fun. I haven’t met the right person yet but I’m looking forward to when I do.”

Simple, easy and effective.

Then redirect the conversation OFF of you and ON them by switching topics.

For example, at a family gathering you can say something like the above statement, then ask them… “What’s new with you, what are your plans this summer?”

How To Respond When The Person You’re On Date With Asks Why You’re Single

I now that this can be hugely uncomfortable for many people who have been struggling with dating or have been single for a long time.

First, I want you to remember that you’re not alone… EVERYONE has baggage….But humans connect with humans, as long as you’re working on yourself and growing that is enough. You don’t need to be perfect to find love!

1. What To Say If You’ve Been Single A Long Time

In this case if you’re not working with a professional coach who knows your story, it’s best to keep it simple. And stick to the same statement above, that you would say to friends or family.

“I’m dating and having fun. I haven’t met the right person yet but I’m looking forward to when I do.”

2. What To Say After A Break Up Of A Long Term Relationship

Talking about a past relationship can feel like a bit of a minefield. However, if you’re willing to be authentic and vulnerable. Then being real about your past, can create closeness.

The key is to reframe your story in a way that shows that you’ve healed your past, are emotionally mature and looking for a healthy relationship.

Think in terms of:

– This is what happened

– This is what I did about it

– This is what I learned

– And finally, this is what I’m looking forward to in the future

Ideally with a response, that keeps the conversation going and at the same time shows interest in getting to know them.

“My last boyfriend (or husband / girlfriend/ wife) and I were together for a long time, at first things were good, then we realized that we weren’t as compatible as we thought. We loved each other and tried to work things out, but in the end we went our separate ways. Since then I’ve spent a lot of time working on myself, and I feel really good about how much I’ve grown as a person. Right now I’m dating and having fun. I haven’t met the right person yet. But I’m looking forward to when I do”.

Then its your turn to ask them … “How about you? I’d love to know more about why you’re single”.

Though it can be awkward, their response and reaction to the question can give you a lot of insight as to who they are as person. As well as how they operate in a relationship. Including their level of emotional maturity and intentions going forward.

Now that you know what to say when the dreaded “Why are you still single?” question comes up, you can relax. Isn’t it nice to know that it can be so simple?

XO,

Deanna

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