Do you have a pattern of dating emotionally unhealthy men, peter pans or players? Living on relationship potential, hoping and waiting for things to change or turn out differently? Wouldn’t it be great to know if he’s a stable, emotionally healthy, mature, fully adulting man right from the start? Lucky for you, there are clear signs that you’re dating a grown man, and I’m going to share 15 of them with you today.
The Top Signs of an Emotionally Mature Man
A grown man is an emotionally mature man. He is responsible, communicative, decisive, respectful and has a greater vision for his life. He’s thoughtful, has integrity and his actions match his words. And yes, in case you’re wondering emotionally mature, grown ass men who know how to treat a woman do actually exist!
Top 15 Signs You’re Dating a Grown Man
1. A Grown Man is Decisive
Being with a man who can’t seem to make up his mind can put a strain on any relationship and create unnecessary confusion for you. An emotionally mature man has no problem making sound decisions. In every area of his life, both personal and professional.
When you’re with him, you can trust that the decisions he makes are thoughtful and aligned with his priorities. That he thinks everything through. Carefully, considering how his decisions will impact his vision, goals and the life he’s building with you.
2. He’s Responsible and Accountable
A mature well developed man takes total responsibility for his actions and choices. He doesn’t blame others for everything in his life that’s going wrong. He knows his actions have consequences.
Instead of pointing the finger at others he chooses to own his mistakes and learn from them. Knowing that in the end it will make him a better man and partner for you.
3. He Has Purpose and Passion
Men with ambition are so sexy, and man with a vision and passion for his goals? Even hotter. A grown man has dreams, goals and a higher purpose and takes actions on them. He’s formulated a plan for his future and knows how he’s going to get from point A to point B, and consistently works hard to stay on track.
4. A Grown Man Knows What He Wants
He has his priorities straight and thinks for himself. He knows what he wants, when he wants it and isn’t afraid to go after it. Whether its in his career or his relationships you will never have to wonder where he’s at.
He doesn’t go hot and cold, chasing you one minute and pulling away the next. If he’s interested in a long term relationship with you, he’ll be honest and if he’s not ready? Yes, he’ll be honest about that too.
5. He Can Have Those Uncomfortable Conversations
Life has its ups and downs, and even the best relationships will require communication. When it feels uncomfortable or awkward, a mature guy won’t bolt when things get hard. You can talk through anything, because he can handle the difficult conversations. Even when its not easy, he’ll communicate and resolve conflicts with you calmly and respectfully.
6. He Supports You As His Equal
Grown men aren’t intimidated by a smart, strong woman, they are inspired by them. A mature man won’t dismiss or talk down to you when you share your thoughts. He sees you as his equal, respecting your differences and opinions as just as valuable and important as his own.
7. He Makes You a Priority
When you’re dating a grown man he will invest his time and energy into you. He cares about how you feel, and how his actions will affect you. The effort he puts into you is be constant and consistently growing throughout your relationship.
8. A Grown Man Says What He Means
Healthy relationships require open and honest communication from both people. An emotionally mature guy isn’t going to play games with you or tell you what you want to hear. When you’re dating him, you can trust that he’s put thought into what he’s saying you and he means it. Whether is what you want to hear or not .
9. He Respects Your Boundaries
He always respects the boundaries that you’ve established. When you state your needs and requests, you always feel respected. He doesn’t try to intimidate or emotionally blackmail you to get what he wants.
10. A Grown Man Doesn’t Play Games
When you’re dating a grown man, he won’t play childish games or constantly send you mixed signals. You won’t hear things like “Well you didn’t text me first”, “Sorry I forgot, I can’t make it”, “I just got your text.”, “I’m so bad with my phone”, “I was busy”…etc.
His communication and intentions are so clear, that you never have to wonder or try to find the hidden meaning behind his words.
11. He Can Make Compromises
In the early dating stages there’s a fine line between dating a guy who appears decisive and then eventually finding out that its actually jealous or controlling behaviour. A mature guy is clear in his actions and decisions but remains open to new ideas. He is capable of compromising from a place of open communication. So you can both get your needs met in healthy and balanced ways.
12. He’s Self Aware
Knowledge is power. A grown man will constantly be working to better himself and understand who he is at a deeper level. He seeks to understand his strengths and weakness. He takes mistakes as feedback and learns from them.
He uses his insights to help him learn and grow in ways that support his goals and relationships with himself and others.
13. He Has Strong Relationships
If you want to know what his relationship with you will be like, take a look at his existing relationships. Does he have several acquaintances but no real intimate friendships? How he treats family and friends is very telling. Not everyone has an ideal family situation, nor is everyone an extroverted social butterfly, but you can still make observations from what you see.
A grown man will be open, kind and compassionate when dealing with others. Whether it be with a friend or a family member, comfortable being vulnerable and having at least a few close relationships in his life.
14. A Grown Man Can Express Himself
Though he might not constantly talk about his feelings, (which is normal) he’s not afraid to share them when asked. He’s in touch with what his feelings are, and is capable of expressing them to you in a thoughtful and mature way.
When you share your feelings, he doesn’t get angry or frustrated, he listens with care and respect. When he’s struggling with an issue, he’s strong enough to be vulnerable and confide in you.
15. You Always Know Where You Stand Him
If you’re dating a grown man you will feel good when you’re with and when you’re not. He will communicate with you in a way that makes you feel safe, seen and heard. You’re not ever left wondering if he really cares about you, if he’s lying, cheating or playing games. His intentions are clear and you know that you can count on him to be who and what he says he is.
The Age of a Fully Emotionally Mature Man
Growing up, it’s common to hear that girls mature faster than boys. In one British study (1) they concluded that on average a man doesn’t reach full emotional maturity until age 43, while women commonly mature around age 32. Studies aside, I think we can’t just slap a label on it and must take these things with a grain of salt.
In my experience, there’s plenty of younger mature men, as well as many older men who remain childish peter pans despite how many years go by.
The level of his maturity for his age is going to be a combination of how he grew up, his parents and what role models he had, as well as life experiences. Sometimes life forces you to grow up quickly and you have no choice but grow-up and mature at a young age.
When it comes to dating, don’t worry too much about age. Think more about qualities, values, how he treats you, and how it actually feels to be with this person. For age ranges, I find that most people are happiest in relationships where the age difference is somewhere in the 5-7 years in either direction.
Changing An Emotionally Immature man
Will he ever change or grow up? The good news is that every man has the capacity to change, grow and gain maturity (2). The bad news is that it doesn’t usually happen overnight. Most often not when you’re actually in the relationship with him either.
Whether you’re a man or a woman, becoming emotionally mature is a process that happens over time. Most importantly, its not something that can be forced either. He has to be ready and independently take action for himself.
At the End of the Day
No one is perfect. Becoming emotionally mature is a constant and consistent practice and impossible for anyone to be perfect 100% of the time.
So, are you dating a grown up man or a boy? Well, if your guy is working on himself, learning from his mistakes, respectful, communicative, appears to check all the boxes above and is striving to become a well rounded better person in every way? Then congratulations you’re probably dating a grown man!
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