We’ve all been there. Either trying to get the attention of the guy we think we want or trying to keep the attention of the guy that seemed crazy about us, but now feels like he’s pulling away. If he runs hot and cold or barely notices you at all, and you’re not sure what went wrong or what to do next you. Here are nine ways to get him to chase you.
But before I get started I want to be clarify my intention for this article. I’m not going to give you surface tips and tricks to try and manipulate a situation that might not be worthy of you. I’m going to give you real heart based advice that works.
The kind that will have you honouring yourself in the dating process at the highest levels possible. Because I believe that you are deserving of the most authentic and deeply loving relationship possible.
1. Be The Chooser
The first step is to understand that you are the chooser, and that its up to you to make sure that he knows that you’re interested. Many women think that they’ve let him know or are playing hard to get, but in a “totally obvious” way. However, very often the man is absolutely clueless that you’re interested.
Courtship is a dance, and at the start a man needs a very clear sign that you’re interested. Keep in mind this is only indicating initial interest. A smile, flirty eye contact or even sending a first message online. Not asking him out or planning the date.
If you need a reason, think about this, Match.com ran a study and found that women were more satisfied in their relationships when they made the first move online and off.
So throw him a crumb, and drop the handkerchief, so to speak. After he gets the message, it will be up to him to pursue you.
2. Own That You Are The Prize
Approaching the dating process with absolute certainty and confidence that you are the prize, is one of the most powerful things you can do to attract a high quality man.
Instead of waiting to be picked, hoping it will work out or wondering if you’re good enough for him. Knowing that you are the prize, puts you in position of being more clearly able to see if he is worthy of you.
If he’s emotionally available, relationship ready and matches your values and long term goals.
This concept is key! When a woman doesn’t embrace the idea that she is fully worthy of the love she wants or stops valuing herself during the process it becomes a barrier to authentic love. His attention will waiver and he will lose interest, seeing her (in his eyes) as not worth the extra effort.
We are always teaching people how to treat us. So when you see yourself as the prize, as something valuable and worth investing in, this also makes a man see you as the best.
A woman worth the pursuit, and getting out of his comfort zone for.
3. Be Your Authentic Self
I see so many women spending too much time trying to be the perfect person, endlessly planning and strategizing. Twisting themselves into something they aren’t just because they think it will “get the guy”.
There is no perfect person or perfect life. There is only you, the imperfectly perfect growing, learning you. When you are being the real you there is nothing more attractive than that to a man. Being real lets him open up, lets him feel something when you’re together.
In order to for him to fall in love or to even want to see where a relationship goes, a man needs to feel an emotional attraction with you. The only way that this can happen, is to open up your heart and be real.
Share your feelings, what you care about and what you stand for. Learn how to express your wants and needs to him in a way that he can understand how to fulfill them so you can connect even more.
Many women worry that if they’re honest, they will chase him away.
In fact the opposite is true.
Being real helps to bond you and create a foundation for a relationship based on truth. If he isn’t able to connect with you on that emotional heart level, if you never get real, he will more than likely pull away because the foundation just isn’t there.
4. Rock Your Independence aka Have Your Own Life
Make time for you and continue to invest in yourself and the life you had before you started dating him. Whether that’s interests you had prior to meeting or something new that you’ve always wanted to try.
Respect yourself, know what your boundaries are and honour your relationships with others. Keep your plans with friends, even if he texts you for a date at the last minute and you’re dying to see him. Don’t stay up all night taking to him, when you have to get up for an early meeting the next day.
In other words, don’t stop and re-arrage your entire life just because you have a new guy. It might work at first, but then it can turn to something needy and suffocating fairly quickly.
In the early dating stages, a man wants to feel needed and wanted by you. But there is a difference between needy and the space where he can add value to your life.
Think of this way…
Not having a life translates into neediness and pressure, and equals him feeling suffocated. The natural reaction is to want breathing space and he pulls away.
Wanted, equals him seeing that you have a happy and fulfilling life, and noticing where he can make you even happier. The natural reaction then pulls him towards you and your radiance.
Like a planet orbiting the sun.
5. Speak His Love Language
If you’re a longtime reader of mine then you’ve heard me say this before, to men appreciation is love. When you’re with him show your appreciation for everything he has done. From calling you, to arranging the date, paying for the date etc.
Your approval and appreciation not only makes you stand out as a High Value Woman, it motivates him, and lets him know that he is on the right track to win with you.
6. Play The Field
Many women go on a few dates then want to become monogamous before they truly know if he’s the right man for them. In the early dating stages, its especially important to be open to dating other men until you’re in a committed relationship.
That means, giving your time and attention to the man that’s thoughtful and whose actions matches his words. The man that’s asking you out and planning dates. The man that’s showing you he cares about how you feel and if you’re having a good time.
In other words that man that’s investing in and pursuing you.
If you aren’t comfortable dating multiple men then keep in mind….
If the two of you aren’t committed to each other, it’s a lot of pressure for him to feel like he’s your only option.
And its not good for you to overly focus on someone that you aren’t committed too and don’t even know yet if he fully meets and aligns with your values and life goals.
And bonus, men love competition! Many men will become more chivalrous, when they know that your valuable time and attention is something they need to earn.
7. Your Time Is His Reward
During the first few months of dating you don’t need to go out of your way to show a man that you’re special and the perfect woman for him. You don’t need to sleep with him before commitment, bring him special gifts or treats, offer to go dutch (unless your both students), run errands etc.
Basically anything that would fall into the category of over giving, something his mom would do, or anything that a man does to impress a woman.
His reward is your time, and the attention and appreciation you give him when you are together. As your relationship develops and he has invested more in you, that’s then you make gestures towards investing in other ways with him.
Keep in mind this doesn’t mean he has to pay for everything on your dates or that you should act entitled in anyway. In the above, I’m referring to over giving, not offering a small gesture of appreciation.
For example on a third date if he pays for dinner, you can offer to get the popcorn at the movie after if you want. He might take you up on it or not. Either way sincere appreciation for his efforts is very important, and if done the right way, will be more than enough.
8. Keep Your Texting To A Minimum
Spending to much time texting with a guy, is one of the biggest mistakes you can make in the getting to know you stage of courtship. (I know I keep mentioning the early dating stages but context is everything!) Texting too much personal information, staying up until 3 am messaging, sending little pings when you haven’t heard from him for two days etc.
Texting is not dating.
A big part of getting to know someone is the emotional connections that you make while you are one on one with them. Too much texting can give you a false sense that you are in a relationship that’s going well. But really what you’re in is something built on fantasy, assumptions and unrealistic expectations. Which often result in things fizzling out or the guy disappearing altogether.
In the beginning, your texting habits should have clear boundaries at all times. Keep conversations to simple logistics or to quickly touching base before a date.
9. Stop Chasing Him
I hear many women who say they want the guy to chase them, yet they have taken on the role of the pursuer. Constantly trying to keep his interest, controlling the dates by asking or planning, stalking him online, over texting, just “happening” to show up where he is, etc…
Things you might think are harmless or cute, but really are done more out of fear that he will lose interest or will never commit. Things that can make him feel suffocated and pull away.
The truth is, if its the right guy you don’t have to chase him.
You just have to be you. When you are showing up owning who you are, fully confident and knowing you’re the prize the right guy will chase you.
So if you want him to woo you and pursue you, then sit back and give him the chance!
At the end of the day….
Men love to chase a woman that is rock solid in her confidence, inside and out. A woman that inspires them because she has her own passions and brings something interesting to the table. A woman that understands how to communicate and give him the breathing space he needs.
If you want to get him to chase you, it’s all about self-love, owning your value and self-worth at all times. Knowing that no matter what happens you are the chooser. Knowing that no matter what happens you trust in your heart that you are the prize and 100% worth the chase.
PS. Would you like to build rock solid, unshakeable confidence, and learn how to date as a highly magnetic woman, that has the right kind of man pursuing you? Book your complimentary Ready Fo Love Call with me now Click Here.
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