“Why can’t I get a second date?”. The top 9 real reasons why you’re not getting a second date (and what to do next).
We’ve all been there, you head out on that first date bursting with hope and promise, leaving the night 100% sure that it went well and then….you never hear from him again.
Talk about frustrating!
In the modern world of dating and technology, this seems to be a pattern that’s happening more and more.
Leaving both men and women feeling a little defeated and confused. Not to mention, that with the constant stream of first dates that don’t go anywhere – facing dating burnout.
9 Reasons That You Didn’t Get A Second Date
You went on a first date and it was great. There was good conversation, good drinks, maybe even a kiss goodnight. But there wasn’t a second date. Wondering why? Here are 9 reasons that your date didn’t ask you out again.
1. You Didn’t Come Across As Available
You’re physically on the date but you aren’t available to make an emotional connection because you’re too busy in your head. Checking off your list, wondering if you likes you, wondering if he’s good enough or too good for you.
Many singles are unconsciously running on the idea, that we when finally get to meet someone in real life, that’s all we need. Because they’ll see how amazing we are and that will be it. No further skills needed. Just happily ever after.
But the truth is in the online dating and dating app world people are going on so many first dates, and the availability of singles is so high it just doesn’t work that way. You have to learn the dating skills needed to stand out from the crowd. Skills that will get your dates undivided attention.
This doesn’t mean that you have to be the prettiest, smartest woman (or best looking guy). But that you understand how to connect with a man’s heart. Check out my last video post for tips on how to connect on a first date here.
2. You Were Ms. Perfect
Were you being you, or the version of yourself that you think they want?
The bulletproof, smart, successful woman that has it all and doesn’t need anything because your perfect and you’ve got it all figured out?
There is nothing wrong with wanting to put your best foot forward, but you don’t have to be perfect to find love.
Being flawless isn’t real, isn’t sustainable and its not what men are looking for either.
Your realness is more attractive than you think. It’s ok to open up and be vulnerable on your dates. In fact it’s required to create connection.
3. You Were Rude
Some common complaints I hear from my clients (both male and female) are: being late, texting and/or leaving your phone on the table, swearing, drinking too much, impolite to the servers or staff. Which all communicate lack of respect and appreciation.
Remember you only get one chance to make a first impression so be aware of basic manners. Take extra time to get there. Make sure to turn off your phone and keep it out of sight while you’re with your date.
4. You Didn’t Speak Before The Date
If you’ve swiped right on a dating app or met online, it’s important to create an initial connection by having a conversation on the phone first before meeting in person.
Why Can’t I Get A Second Date
When someone goes on a great first date, they often wonder why things fizzled out after that. Below you’ll find a few more reasons why you’re not getting second dates.
5. You’re Sharing Too Much Information
One of the main reasons that you can’t get a second date is because you over-shared and talked too much on your first date. While sharing can be a great thing. Over sharing on a first date can be overwhelming and leave a bad impression.
You want to let your walls down and share more about yourself with your date. However, there is an art to connecting and being vulnerable during the dating process.
On a first date things should be a bit more simplified.
A good example of this would be sharing how you’re feeling in the moment. Like admitting that you’re feeling a bit nervous.
Maybe your date is asking for intimate details about your last relationship, but that doesn’t mean you should go down that road spilling all the details. In this case you can share a honest, yet streamlined version with them.
For example, you can respond with a simple statement like….”We tried to work it out, but in the end it wasn’t the right relationship for me, since then I’ve learned a lot and when I meet the right person, I’m ready to open up and share my life”.
Which will show a side of you that’s open, honest and emotionally intelligent. Without giving away too much information or being overwhelming.
If you want to get a second date make sure that you avoid oversharing all of the intricate details of your life. For example a play-by-play with every detail of your last breakup. Your cheating EX, problems with your friends or co-workers, your cat / dogs ongoing health issues, etc.
While there is a time and place for these things, a first date isn’t it.
6. You Weren’t Intriguing
This can be a side effect of being Ms. Perfect, basically being on the date and not sharing who you are, and your opinions and ideas in a way that adds interest to the conversation.
Be curious and ask interesting questions that help you standout from the crowd.
The more intimate you get, the more you will draw him into your world.
7. The Date Was Too Long
This situation happens more than you think…
Does this sound familiar?…..”We met for a drink, which turned into dinner the we talked all night long, there was so much chemistry, we’re perfect for each other!“
Until the next few days when he sends you a few random texts and never seems to follow through on making solid plans with you again. Then disappears all together.
These dates can be the most confusing. Especially if you thought you were clicking and it’s been forever since you’ve felt that way about anyone.
So how long should a first date be?
If you haven’t met before, keep it to 1 drink, maybe 2 if its going really well, and then leave on a high point to make a lasting impression.
8. He Didn’t Know You Were Interested
Another symptom of our modern times is information overload. Especially for singles looking for the answers in the next video, the next article, the next book. It can be so overwhelming that it leaves you paralyzed and stuck in your head and unsure how to act on the date.
Should you lean back? Lean in? Be more feminine? Should I flirt more or less? What if he gets the wrong idea…and so on.
I’ve said before and I’ll say it again. Men need clear signals that you’re interested. Make sure you’re engaged in the conversation and being a little flirty, so he gets the message.
9. You Didn’t Have Chemistry
Sometimes you can go on a great date, and have a lot of fun but in the end that spark just wasn’t there for one or both of you.
And it isn’t anyone’s fault, it’s just not your person.
Its not rejection, it’s re-direction.
I know this can be hard, but you have a choice.
You can either go down a rabbit hole and think of it as rejection and take it personally. Or you can control your mindset and call it redirection.
The truth is that not every man that you go on a date with is going to be a fit and that’s just part of dating.
The key is to think of dating in a lighter way. From a place of connection and getting to know yourself and learning what you like and don’t like. So you can have more fun with the process.
Dating can be fun if you learn how to date with intention, develop the right mindset and skill set – emotionally and practically.
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