Do you ever feel like meeting an emotionally mature available man is pretty much impossible? Or if you do meet one, it’s hard to actually draw him to you? The good news is that yes, mature men do exist. And if you know what to do they’re actually pretty easy to attract too. Here’s how to attract an emotionally mature man.
Though before we dig in, let’s get on the same page about the kind of man we’re talking about here.
An emotionally mature man is a man of the highest caliber. He’s emotionally available and emotionally intelligent. He’s worked to grow himself, has purpose and passion. He’s grounded on every level – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
He’s the total package. For more on the traits of an emotionally mature (grown) man check out my article 15 Signs You’re Dating A Grown Man (Who’s Emotionally Mature) to read it > click here.
12 Ways To Attract An Emotionally Mature Man
1. Be Authentic & Honest
High quality, emotionally mature men are attracted to a woman that isn’t afraid to fully be herself. A woman that isn’t constantly trying to be perfect or impress him. A woman that’s honest not only about who she is, but what she’s looking for.
So many women are afraid to say what they’re looking for. Worried they’re going chase him away. But there is no need to worry, a guy that’s emotionally mature can handle the serious talks.
Because, the “cool girl” that tells him that she’s not looking for anything serious? She gets exactly that.
So if you want to date an emotionally available, relationship ready man? Then you need to make sure that you’re on the same page.
The only way to do that is to be honest about who you are. What makes you happy and what you’re looking for in a partner and relationship.
And if you need even further encouragement, research suggests (2) that people who are honest, are considered more attractive. In one study E-harmony (3) found that of the qualities most desired in a partner, honesty topped the list at 54%. With kindness coming in a close second at 44%.
2. Have Strong Boundaries
Sometimes the reason you haven’t met the right guy, is because you keep letting the wrong one in. One of the main causes of why this may happen is because of weak boundaries.
Without strong boundaries in place many women often end up in co-dependant relationships. Or accepting crumbs from men that aren’t worthy of your love or attention.
We are constantly teaching people how to treat us.
With this in mind. Its important to get clear on what you will or won’t allow into your life. Not just from men, but friends and family too. And then stick with it by communicating those boundaries, gracefully and with confidence.
When you put boundaries in place, you’re actually helping the people in your life. By giving them directions as to how to love you. The way you want to be loved.
When it comes to finding a good guy, boundaries are kind of like a fence with a gate. The right man will always respect your boundaries and even be attracted to the fact that you have them. And because he respects you, he’ll be able to open the gate and walk in.
The wrong man can’t open the gate. He might try to hop the fence, by being pushy or controlling. But with strong boundaries in place? He’ll soon find it’s not worth his time.
3. Bring Your Walls Down
This about showing vulnerability, and goes hand in hand with authenticity and honesty.
If you’re like many people, vulnerability can take a bit of practice. And, it can feel really hard. When it comes to dating I often find that people think vulnerability, is about telling every single trauma or intimate detail all on the first few dates. This is not so.
Being vulnerable, is essentially when you consciously choose not to hide your emotions or desires from others.
Vulnerability is powerful and triggers emotional attraction in a man.
In the early dating stages, you can start showing vulnerability in little ways. Such as sharing that you’re nervous or what happened in your last relationship. Or let him know that you’re looking for a long term relationship. Then building trust as you date from there.
If you’re scared to show this side of you, that’s ok.
Just keep in mind that the level of guy that you want, is able to express himself. And he will value your feelings too. But first he needs you to give him the chance.
4. Communicate With Empathy and Compassion
How you communicate with others can make or break a relationship. Learning how to communicate with empathy and compassion as you date, will not only help you attract the right guy. It will help you have great communication in your long term relationship too.
Understanding how to share your feelings, needs and wants is part of healthy communication. The other part, is understanding how to hear what the other person is saying with empathy and compassion.
This skill set is highly attractive to a quality man.
From the dating perspective, it’s a crucial part of creating a foundation of emotional connection. Which is essential, if you want to attract a man emotionally and have him commit to a relationship with you.
5. Be Decisive in All Areas of Your Life
One of the qualities that’s so attractive in an emotionally mature man is his ability to be decisive. Men also find this quality attractive when looking for his long term partner.
A man that is confident in his decisions, is naturally attracted to a woman that is decisive in every area of her life. It not only shows your confidence, but also that you trust yourself. In turn, he feels solid in the fact that he can trust you.
6. Build A Life That Inspires You
Many women believe that men are intimidated by smart, successful women, but this is simply not true. Having your own life that is happy and fulfilling is incredibly attractive to men.
It can be easy to get caught up in looking for the right guy, that you put your own desires for certain life experiences on hold until you meet him. But just because you’re single doesn’t mean that you can’t take that trip, or go on an adventure on your own.
Men want to know that you have space for them, but also that you’re already loving your life as a single woman.
As they see it, it’s much easier to make a happy woman, happier. And when you have built a life that you love, you radiate happiness and confidence.
7. Stop Chasing Chemistry
Sometimes you can’t see the great emotionally available man right in front of you because you’ve been chasing a certain kind of chemistry.
But, no matter how much you want it to be true, blow your mind chemistry with the hot guy, is just not enough to keep a relationship going for the long haul.
Chemistry is awesome to have, but is not an indicator of lasting love or a healthy relationship. It’s just an indication of chemistry.
If you’ve been chasing the kind of man and chemistry that makes you dizzy and unable to think of anything else but him. Its usually a big red flag. That once the flames cool, there might be something vital missing from the relationship. Like the fact that’s he’s emotionally unavailable, or isn’t looking for anything serious etc.
Take off the charts chemistry as a clue that you might want to get some perspective. Step back and take a good look at what the compatibility factor between you is.
Don’t get me wrong, chemistry is hugely important!
But over time it can change or fade away. Compatibility on the other hand is about the long term potential for a loving, healthy relationship.
Compatibility is essential when choosing a partner for a healthy long term relationship. Understanding what your shared goals, values and lifestyle are, will determine your long term potential for relationship happiness.
Yes that may sound dull, but it doesn’t have to be.
You can have both compatibility and chemistry.
But the chemistry might not feel like the kind that you’re used to (it does happen, but in my experience it’s very rare). The chemistry might come as a slow burn, as an easy flow or as the buddhists (4) say, a feeling of home.
It also might be the kind that sparks only after you’ve given him a chance. And he’s had the opportunity to show you what it really feels like to feel safe and valued by a man that respects and appreciates you.
8. Be 100% Accountable for Your Actions
Accountability is a huge part of maintaining a successful relationship. Emotionally available, mature men gravitate towards a woman who completely owns her decisions and choices.
Even if those decisions are mistakes.
When you can own up to what ever happened and show what you’ve learned from it, that can be incredibly sexy. Its shows your courage and strength.
It also shows that you can “play fair” and he can count on you to communicate with him like an adult. Not the kind of person that is going to point the finger at him every time something goes wrong.
9. Practice Self Love
Your relationship should be the cherry on top of what you already have going on in your life.
Not the source of your happiness or self worth.
Creating a life you love is one place to start. The other is with practicing self love and self care.
There are many people that say that you have to love yourself fully before you can attract true love.
I don’t believe this to be true.
In my experience, it’s all about whether you’re in the process of learning to love yourself. As well as the continued loving actions you take consistently towards yourself.
Always choosing, progress over perfection.
When you practice self love, you’re learning how to feel valued and appreciated. You begin to feel complete and content with who you are on your own. Your self-esteem and self-confidence begin will sky rocket.
Soon you’ll find yourself radiating confidence from within. Turning the heads of amazing, emotionally available men, wherever you go.
10. Give Up Any and All Game Playing
It can be hard to figure out exactly what the rules are.
While I do believe that modern dating requires some education, especially when it comes to texting, communication and dating apps. I also believe that the dizzying variety of love advice out there can lead to all sorts of game playing.
You might not want to play games. Or you might not even realize that what you’re doing is a game or other type of manipulation.
On some level games can make us feel like we’re bulletproof. Like if just we do it the “right” way, we can win at love.
But what games actually do, is cover up your true self.
Over time, what you’re actually telling yourself at a subconscious level is that you aren’t good enough the way that you are. That you don’t deserve the kind of man and relationship you want.
The cure for this is to set yourself free. By adopting a no BS, no game playing or manipulation of any kind policy. This includes what you will tolerate for yourself, as well as for what you will put up from others. Such as men you date, friends and family.
For dating that looks like this- wherever you’re manipulating, controlling or strategizing etc., you just stop and be real.
You stop pretending not to be interested in anything serious, when you really want to get married and have a family. Stop calculating when to text him back, what to say to hold his interest or leave him hanging for days.
You stop assuming he can read your mind or that he knows what you want. You don’t test him, stalk him on social media or try to force things to move faster than they naturally would.
I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea.
No matter how much you like him, you can’t make someone feel the way you want them to feel. You can’t manipulate anyone into loving you or committing to you.
And when it comes to attracting an emotionally mature, available man? Well he just won’t stick around for game playing. He wants to see and feel the real you.
The more willing you are to consciously show up in life as the real you. The more confident you’ll start to feel. And in turn, the higher the caliber of man you’ll attract.
11. Have A Growth Mindset
Emotionally available, mature, successful men are passionate about growing and bettering themselves in every way. One thing that they have in common is that they have adopted a growth mindset.
Which includes, how they embrace life’s challenges and learn from their mistakes.
When you have a growth mind set everything becomes an opportunity to better yourself and create an awesome life.
In contrast, those with a fixed mindset view life’s challenges as more black and white.
You’re either winning or losing. Successful or a failing. Accepted or rejected. This mindset makes your life, especially your dating life feel like a constant struggle.
It dulls your shine, makes you fearful, tired and loosing hope that you’ll ever find the one.
On the other hand, dating with a growth mindset is much more enjoyable. You begin to see everything as an opportunity for growth.
You become more open to meeting new men and are able to enjoy your dates. Even if they aren’t “the one,” you still find value in your experiences.
I’m not going to pretend that dating is easy. I know that it is filled with challenges. But with a growth mind set you feel hopeful and dating becomes more of an adventure.
And your energy? It becomes positively magnetic to attracting a great guy.
12. Be Emotionally Available & Emotionally Intelligent Yourself
We often think of girls being more mature than boys, yet as adults in relationships this isn’t always true. Many women say they want an emotionally mature man, yet aren’t at that level themselves.
Like attracts like. So if you haven’t been attracting the type of guy that you want it can be very helpful to ask yourself a few questions.Like…
Are you an emotionally mature woman?
Or are you carrying baggage from the past? Do you try to manipulate men or play games? Do you chase bad boys? Or are you constantly accepting crumbs from the wrong men?
Have you developed healthy habits in every area of your life? Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? Are you happy as a single person right now?
If your life is full of constant drama with dating and men. Then there is no easy way to break this to you. The one common denominator here is you.
This isn’t to say that you make terrible decisions. Or blame you for your circumstances. Or that you are entirely emotionally immature.
Just that there may be a few missing pieces of the puzzle for you to put into place.
That once placed, will allow you to have the healthy relationship with the kind of man that you want to be with.
Whatever your past, it’s taken you here. You may not have been aware of this before, but now that you are. It’s a very powerful place to be.
Being real with your own level of personal development is key when it comes to attracting the right man. After all we attract more of what we are, not what we are not.
Because truthfully, you aren’t alone.
There are many women who are programmed their entire lives to accept less than they deserve in their relationships. So if you don’t have that emotionally mature personal growth component in place, its hard to know what the good guy even looks like half the time. Let alone how to naturally attract and keep a great guy.
If you’re reading this and feel like you need to do a bit more working on yourself, that is awesome. Go for it, your awareness is the first step! Nurture yourself and do whatever you need to do right now. Because in the end it will be totally worth the effort.
Don’t forget that you can still date and find the quality man during the growing process.
It’s about you taking consistent action in the right direction, not about you being perfect.
At the End of the Day…
When it comes to attracting an emotionally mature man there are clearly many qualities in woman that he gravitates towards. Ultimately, he is craving a partnership with a woman who is his equal and shares his values and goals.
A woman who at her essence is able to fully be who she is. Smart, compassionate and authentic. A woman who knows her worth and is passionate about herself, her life and him.
Once you get the right pieces in place, you’ll find that emotionally mature men, are effortlessly attracted to you.
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