36 Boundary questions for couples who want to get closer and deepen their relationship.
Discussing relationship boundaries is an important topic for all couples. As boundaries help you to define what is ok and not ok within the relationship. They also give you a roadmap between your individual needs and the needs of your partner. Which can make all the difference in bringing you closer together and having a healthy relationship.
Sometimes people think of boundaries as something negative, but that is not so. When you understand each other’s needs, wants and expectations it can actually deepen your relationship.
What Are The Benefits Of Boundaries In A Relationship?
Many couples assume that their partner has the same preferences and expectations they do when it comes to how romantic relationships operate. Which can often lead to unnecessary conflict and misunderstandings.
Whatever stage you’re at as a couple it’s crucial to take time to discuss your expectations, values, preferences with your partner. And cover a variety of topics such as personal, time, work, finances, intimacy, family, technology and social media etc.
This will help you to define what is acceptable or not within your relationship. Ultimately, allowing you to establish a sense of trust, security, and respect with your partner.
Sometimes these conversations can feel awkward or challenging. However, healthy relationships are built on trust, mutual respect and open communication.
Though it can feel difficult, it’s important to start having those hard conversations as soon as possible. So you can avoid any misunderstandings and communication issues in the future.
Couples Questions About Personal Boundaries
Before discussing your boundaries as a couple, it’s a good idea to take a moment to talk about your personal boundaries too. Personal boundaries are the parameters that you set for yourself. This can include your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. When it comes to personal boundaries, couples can ask each other questions such as:
- Have you ever taken the time to consider what your personal boundaries in a relationship are?
- Are you comfortable sharing your boundaries with others and making your needs known?
- Do you have a boundary for yourself that you aren’t honoring right now? Is there anything that’s stopping you from doing so?
- What are your needs in terms of alone time, self-care, and personal space?
- Is there anything I do now that crosses your personal boundaries and makes you uncomfortable?
Questions About Relationship Boundaries
Relationship boundaries are the guidelines that couples set for their relationship as a whole. They help a couple maintain an individual sense of self-respect and self-worth. While also setting expectations for how they want to be treated by their partner. Some examples of relationship boundary couples questions that you can discuss with your partner include:
- What are some boundaries that you think are important to have in a romantic relationship?
- What are your expectations around communication and quality time?
- When it comes to a relationship, what financial boundaries are important to you?
- How can we avoid conflict around money and finances in our relationship?
- When it comes to relationships what are you not willing to compromise on?
- What behaviours are you willing to compromise on?
- What counts as cheating?
- What would you want your partner to do if someone starts coming on them online or in person?
- As a couple, how should we balance the need for independence and the need for togetherness in our relationship?
- How do we respect each others boundaries even if we don’t agree with them?
- What are some healthy communication patterns that we can establish in our relationship?
Boundaries Around Family, Friends & Co-Workers
- What are our boundaries around our parents, siblings and extended families?
- Who will handle setting boundaries with their parents? Will we do it alone or together?
- Are you ok with lending money to a friend or family member?
- Are you ok with your partner hanging out with a co-worker and/or friend of the opposite sex without you?
- Is it ok to stay friends with an ex?
Social Media, Texting & Tech Boundary Questions
- What are our boundaries around social media and other forms of digital communication?
- Should we share our phone and email passwords?
- Is it ok to have an online relationship of any kind with members of the opposite sex?
- Is it ok to be friends with an “Ex” on social media?
- Is it ok to have the phone numbers of “exes” still in your phone?
- Are you comfortable with your partner texting their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?
- Do you feel comfortable with your partner engaging with your friends online? For example friending, following, messaging, commenting or “liking” photos.
- Is there any situation were you wouldn’t feel comfortable with your partner engaging with someone else online? For example direct messaging, frequently liking or commenting on provocative photos of friends or members of the opposite sex online.
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Relationship Boundary Questions About Physical Intimacy
Boundaries around being physically intimate with your parter are your expectations that revolve around physical touch and your sexual activities. Including consent, comfort level, preferences, and other various expectations. Some examples of couples questions that you can ask your partner are:
- How do we want to communicate about physical intimacy and pleasure in our relationship?
- What are our preferences around our intimate activities as a couple? Including when and how we want to engage in those activities?
- What are your personal boundaries around sex? What you are comfortable with and what are you not?
- Are there any acts that you are 100% not okay with?
- Are there any types of physical touch that you are not comfortable with?
- How do you feel about public displays of affection?
- What are our boundaries around erotic media?
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Discussion Questions About Boundaries For Couples
I hope that these boundary questions for couples are helpful in getting a discussion going with your partner. Don’t forget these are just some of the kinds of questions that you may want to discuss with your partner. Every couple is unique so make sure that you add in anything that’s pertinent to you.
It’s also important to note that boundaries can change over time. So, it’s a good idea to be flexible and check in with each other every now and then. To make sure that you are meeting each other’s expectations.
There’s also plenty of research which suggests that couples who check in with their partner on a regular basis are happier and more satisfied than couples who don’t. And as a professional dating and relationship coach I agree. It’s definitely worth scheduling regular checkin’s with your partner. Even if it’s only a few times a year.
Another thing to note is that discussing boundaries in a relationship, is not about controlling or changing the other person. It’s about gaining a deeper understanding and mutual respect for each other. Through an open and honest discussion about how you feel, what you want, and what you need. Both personally and in your relationship.
If you love connecting with your partner by asking each other meaningful romantic questions for couples. I’ve got a lot more for you to check out here: Funny Couples Questions, “Who’s Most Likely To” Couples Questions, “This Or That” Questions For Couples.
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Save this list of “Boundary Questions For Couples” for later on Pinterest. Deanna Cobden is a certified Dating Coach & Relationship Expert. She is an author, speaker and founder of Dateworks.