9 Dating mistakes to avoid in the early stages of dating.
Looking For Love? If you been struggling to find love you might be making a few mistakes that you aren’t even aware of. Find out the 9 most common dating mistakes and how to fix them today.
1. Seeking Perfection
It goes something like this: Seeking Good looking, charming, sexy, great career, fit, adventurous, tall, brunette, PhD, great dresser, makes x amount of money, drives luxury automobile, etc.
Yes, you have to have standards, but does this person you imagine even exist?
Having a list that is a mile long will only prevent you from being open enough to see who a person really is.
Don’t seek the perfect person, seek the person perfect for you!
Figure out your core values and what you value in another person, lifestyle, sense of humor, honesty etc. Then know your non-negotiables and be open to the rest, often the person that is best for you comes in the most unexpected package,
2. Waiting For Someone Else To Make The First Move
There is nothing more sexy than Confidence.
Initiating contact, starting a conversation or simply saying “Hi” is really as easy as it sounds. If you are nervous or shy about approaching new people start incorporating it in to your everyday life.
Smile, say “Hi” and make casual chit chat, whether you’re interested in the person or not. Soon it will be second nature to you, increasing your confidence and preparing you for easy conversation when the person that you are really attracted to comes along.
Complaining about your ex, online dating, how all the men you’ve dated are losers, sarcasm, or self deprecating humor is going to reflect badly on you in the long run.
Its good to be real, I am all about being authentic (that’s why my coaching program is called Authentic Love Now) but there’s a difference between stating your likes, wants and needs in a high value way and out right just being a Debbie Downer.
The early dating process is the time to focus on making positive emotional connections. They don’t know you yet, make it priority to get to know your date and them you, through shared positive experiences that you both will enjoy.
4. Limiting Your Online Dating Search Parameters
When it comes to age or anything physical, height, hair color etc. widen your search. This goes back to seeking perfection and knowing your non-negotiables. Choose to screen out a max of 3 things that don’t match your values, like smoking, religion, etc., and keep the rest open.
You’d be surprised at how many new options open up when you change the age even by a couple of years in either direction. Try 2 inches in height either way and 2 years in age either way.
5. Being Overly Judgmental
Expecting to go on one date and to just know he’s the one is totally unrealistic. And its not fair to you or them.
In fact intense chemistry on a first date is not an indicator of compatibility or that you’ll have a healthy long term relationship. Its often a path that uncovers deeper issues regarding receiving love and worthiness that need to be healed.
Yes, the chemistry has to be there but it can take time to develop, so give it a fair chance.
Think about it this way, we don’t expect to immediately click with a new friend and be besties forever. Yet we can end up developing a incredibly meaningful relationship, once we spend the time getting to know them.
Approach dating more like you would a friendship with less pressure, and with more curiosity and openness.
And you might find yourself…
1. Enjoying dating more and…
2. In love 🙂
6. Self Sabotage
There’s a few ways you can self sabotage. One is through how you use and engage with others though your technology, phone and social media.
This looks like, trying to read into someone’s texts and texting habits. What it means or doesn’t mean, the time in between texts and the texts themselves. Riding highs and lows all day long.
Another way you might self sabotage, is by spending time, on social media platforms endlessly stalking their Facebook and Instagram profiles. Resulting in, stirring up some major insecurities. Causing you to be even more anxious about the relationship than you were before.
The other behaviour that can totally crash your budding romance?
Letting fear based thinking take over.
Worrying about what they said or didn’t say, when he’ll call. Worrying about how the date went, or what you should or shouldn’t have said, worn or done on that date etc.
Overthinking and worry especially in early stages of dating is a recipe for disaster. Besides being emotionally draining, it’s the kind of energy that pushes love away from you.
Dating is meant to be fun. When the fear starts to creep in, the best thing you can do is to focus on yourself. Go out do something that you enjoy and makes you feel good.
When you focus on growing yourself, you’ll find that you’ll also start to attract a higher quality man that works on himself as well.
7. Being In A Texting Relationship
If you’re just getting to know someone spending to much time texting can be one of the biggest barriers to a relationship. Texts can be misinterpreted, assumptions made and a false sense of intimacy created.
In the early stages of dating save the texting for logistics. Only the “when and where” of it like, confirming a date etc. To really emotionally connect with someone, the getting to know you stage should be through speaking on phone and of course meeting in person.
8. Ignoring Red Flags
He’s good on paper, the chemistry is HOT but so are the Red Flags. Yet, you still think that some how you’re so perfect for each other.
If you’re finding yourself spending your time, hoping things will change, ignoring them or making excuses for them.
Then its time to get real about what is really going on.
Its wonderful to give someone a chance, but the truth is red flags are red flags for a reason and you need to pay attention to them.
If you think something is up communication is key. If something concerns you like chronic lateness, or you think they might be hung up on an ex, it’s Ok to bring it up and get clarity on the situation.
There are of course bigger red flags that should never be ignored. If he’s disrespectful to you or women in general, is controlling or manipulative or deep down a total player.
Then he’s not boyfriend material, proceed with caution. Check out my post “10 Warning signs of a player, not a keeper” for more on how to spot one of these bad boys.
9. Talk Less, Listen More
Often the person talking the most, is learning the least. Sometimes we think that we are creating connection by being vulnerable but in reality we are over sharing.
Tune into what that your date is saying and ask pertinent questions about accomplishments, goals and dreams . You’ll find out a lot about them and whether or not they are going to be a good fit for you and your life.
Lastly, don’t be to hard on yourself, if you do make a dating mistake, you’re human and it’s all part of the growing process.
Learn what you can and then fix what you can.
You got this!
**THE NEXT STEP**
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