9 Dating Mistakes To Avoid (And How To Fix Them)

9 Dating mistakes to avoid in the early stages of dating. Plus tips from an expert to have a successful date. So you can find love faster.

Looking for love? If you been struggling to find love you might be making a few errors that you aren’t even aware of. In todays article I’m sharing with you the nine most common dating mistakes to avoid, and how you can fix them as quickly as possible.

Key Takeaways

• It’s important to have standards but don’t seek perfection in a partner, or expect to have instant chemistry with someone you just met. Instead look for shared core values, interests and common long-term goals.
• You only get one change to make a good first impression so make sure to avoid oversharing, talking about Exes or being overly negative.
• Ignoring red flags will only lead to heart break down the road. Set boundaries early and know your non-negotiables.

Dating Mistakes To Avoid In The Early Stages

1. Seeking Perfection In A Partner

One of the most common dating mistakes that you can make when searching for a relationship is looking for perfection in a parter. It looks something like this: Must be good looking, charming, sexy, great career, fit, adventurous, over 6ft tall, brunette, PhD, great dresser, makes x amount of money, drives luxury automobile, etc.

Yes, you have to have standards, and that’s ok and necessary. But does this person you imagine even exist?

Having a list that’s a mile long will only prevent you from being open enough to see who a person really is. And if he’s (or she) is actually going to be a good partner for you.

Don’t seek the perfect person, seek the person perfect for you!  

As a dating coach with well over 15+ years of experience working with clients I can tell you that it’s important to make this connection for yourself. As while modern dating and using dating apps can be great. They can keep you single and stuck.

By constantly showing you a seemingly endless supply of what could be the perfect partner. Ultimately, leaving you still swiping the apps and experiencing the “grass is always greener syndrome”. Always thinking that there’s someone even better out there. One 2023 study reported that 79% of adults have experienced dating fatigue and burnout.

To avoid getting trapped in this cycle figure out your core values and what you value in a partner. Such as sense of humor, honesty, loyalty, shared lifestyle, long-term goals etc. Then know your non-negotiables and be open to the rest.

Often the person that is best for you comes in the most unexpected package.

2. Waiting For Someone Else To Make The First Move

There is nothing more sexy than Confidence.

Initiating first contact on a dating app, starting a conversation or simply saying “Hi” to someone interesting in person. Is really as easy as it sounds.

If you’re nervous or shy about approaching new people start incorporating it in to your everyday life. Smile, say “Hi” and make casual chit chat. Whether you’re interested in the person or not.

Soon it will be second nature to you. Which will help to increase your confidence and prepare you for easy conversation when the person that you are really attracted to comes along.

3. Being Overly Negative Or Complaining

Complaining about your ex, online dating, how all the men you’ve dated are losers, sarcasm, or self deprecating humor is going to reflect badly on you in the long run.

It’s good to be real. I’m all about being authentic (that’s why my coaching program is called Authentic Love Now). However, there’s a difference between stating your likes, wants and needs in a high value way and out right just being a Debbie Downer.

The early dating process is the time to focus on making positive emotional connections. They don’t know you yet.

To avoid this dating mistake make it priority to get to know your date and them you. Through genuine connection and shared positive experiences that you’ll both enjoy.

4. Limiting Your Online Dating Search Parameters

When it comes to age or anything physical, height, hair color etc. widen your search. This goes back to seeking perfection and knowing your non-negotiables. Choose to screen out a max of 3 things that don’t match your values, like smoking, religion, etc., and keep the rest open.

You’d be surprised at how many new options open up when you change the age even by a couple of years in either direction. Try 2 inches in height either way and 2 years in age either way.

5. Being Overly Judgmental

Expecting to go on one date and to just know he’s (or she) the one is totally unrealistic. And its not fair to you or them.

In fact intense chemistry on a first date is not an indicator of compatibility or that you’ll have a healthy long term relationship. It’s often a path that uncovers destructive patterns, and deeper issues regarding receiving love and worthiness that need to be healed.

Yes, the chemistry has to be there but it can take time to develop. So if you like the person it’s ok to give it a fair chance to grow.

Think about it this way, we don’t expect to immediately click with a new friend and be besties forever. Yet we can end up developing a incredibly meaningful relationship, once we spend the time getting to know them.

Approach dating more like you would a friendship with less pressure, and with more curiosity and openness.

And you might find yourself…

1. Enjoying dating more and…

2. In love 🙂

6. You Have Self-Sabotaging Habits

There’s a few ways you can self sabotage your dating life. One is through how you use and engage with others though your technology. Via the dating apps, your smart phone and social media.

This looks like, trying to read into someone’s texts and texting habits. What it means or doesn’t mean. Over analyzing the time in between texts and the texts themselves. Riding highs and lows all day long.  

Another way you might self sabotage, is by spending time on social media platforms endlessly stalking a potential new love interests Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram or TikTok profile. Resulting in, stirring up some major insecurities. Causing you to be even more anxious about the relationship than you were before.

The other behaviour that can totally crash your budding romance?

Letting fear based thinking take over.

Worrying about what they said or didn’t say, when he’ll call. Worrying about how the date went, or what you should or shouldn’t have said, worn or done on that date etc.

Overthinking and worry especially in early stages of dating is a recipe for disaster. Besides being emotionally draining, it’s the kind of energy that pushes love away from you.

Dating is meant to be fun. When the fear starts to creep in, the best thing you can do is to focus on yourself. Go out do something that you enjoy and makes you feel good.

When you focus on growing yourself, you’ll find that you’ll also start to attract a higher quality man that works on himself as well. 

7. Being In A Texting Relationship

If you’re just getting to know someone spending to much time texting can be one of the biggest barriers to a relationship. Texts can be misinterpreted, assumptions made and a false sense of intimacy created.

In the early stages of dating save the texting for logistics. Only the “when and where” of it like, confirming a date etc. To really emotionally connect with someone, the getting to know you stage should be through speaking on phone and of course meeting in person.

8. You Ignore Red Flags

One of the biggest early dating mistakes you can make is ignoring red flags. A classic example is the “good on paper” guy. He’s checks everything off your (mostly) superficial list and the chemistry is HOT. However his behaviour is questionable. The red flags are clearly there. Yet, you still fool yourself into thinking that somehow you’re perfect for each other.

If you’re finding yourself spending your time, hoping things will change, ignoring them or making excuses for them.

Then its time to get real about what is really going on.

It’s wonderful to give someone a chance, but the truth is red flags are red flags for a reason. So you need to pay attention to them.

If you think something is up communication is key. If his behaviour concerns you like chronic lateness, running hot or cold, or you think they might be hung up on an ex. It’s Ok to bring it up and get clarity on the situation.

There are of course bigger red flags that should never be ignored. If he’s disrespectful to you or women in general, is controlling or manipulative or deep down a total player.

Then he’s not boyfriend material, proceed with caution. Check out my post “10 Warning signs of a player, not a keeper” for more on how to spot one of these bad boys.

9. Talking More Than You Listen

Often the person talking the most, is learning the least. Sometimes we think that we are creating connection with our partner by being vulnerable, but in reality we’re oversharing.

Tune into what that your date is saying and ask pertinent questions about accomplishments, goals and dreams. You’ll find out a lot about them and whether or not they are going to be a good fit for you and your life.

Lastly, don’t be to hard on yourself, if you do make a dating mistake, you’re human and it’s all part of the growing process.

Learn what you can and then fix what you can.

You got this!

XO,

Deanna

**THE NEXT STEP**

Want to know where you can meet a High Quality Man? >> Get my free guide HERE<<

**What To Read Next In Smart Dating Advice**

• How To Make A First Date Less Awkward
• How To Tell If A Guy Likes You
• 3 Things You Must Do On A First Date (if you want to get asked out again)
• How To Be A Highly Magnetic And Irresistible Woman

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