What you should know about how often a guy should text you in the beginning stages of dating.
Of all the dating dilemmas I get asked, questions around texting are at the top of the list. Like, is it ok to text him first? Why are his texts so short? How often should a guy text you in the beginning of a relationship?
When you’re newly dating and texting a guy you like. It can feel like you’re on a roller coaster of highs and lows.
One minute, you’re getting a good morning text from him, and you can’t help but smile and feel like you’re floating on air. Then the next, you text him back. And before you know it, you’re reeling and anxious when you don’t hear from him again for hours.
Those emotional highs and lows can truly suck. They can mess with your confidence and even screw up your entire day. It can start to feel as if one minute you’re being chosen and then the next faced with possible rejection.
To cope with it all, it can help to place your expectations aside and put texting and dating in new perspective for yourself. Because, in the long run, wether or not you get a text from a guy you barely know, shouldn’t have the power to change mood or your day on a dime.
Because the reality is that texting is just a tool for communicating. Not a measurement of whether or not you have a good relationship or are being chosen, or loved.
In todays post, I’m going to cover how often a guy usually texts when you’re newly dating. What normal texting patterns really look like. As well as, break down a guys common texting habits, and if you should or shouldn’t be talking to him everyday.
I’ll also mention some important tips to look for. So you can tell you if he’s into you or not.
How Often Should A Guy Text You In The Beginning Of A Relationship?
If you’ve just exchanged numbers, especially if you’ve met online or a dating app, a guy will often text you 2-3 times a day. In the early stages, you’ll probably find that he will initiate more often. Then as your relationship becomes more established, a guy may be less likely to text you on a daily basis or as frequently.
To be perfectly honest a guy’s texting habits will differ from man to man, and can also change over time. And those texting habits? Well they can have very little to do with how much he’s actually into you.
A Guys Texting Habits Early On
Though of course it’s a good sign when he does message you. How much he’s texting is only very small piece of the puzzle that indicates his interest in you.
There are several other important factors to consider.
Such as what is actually in the texts he sends you. Does he ask you questions and show interest in your life? Does he respond to your messages in a timely manner?
Does he text you more than just one word replies? Does he initiate more than you do? Does he call you on the phone?
And most importantly…Does he plan and take you on real dates?
These are just some of the things that show his interest, and intentions. That when you put it all together, add up to give you an idea, of what direction your relationship is moving in.
So instead of just focusing on how much he texts you, pay attention to all of the interactions that you have with him as a whole.
Then as long as he’s doing things that are moving your relationship forward, you can relax and enjoy the dating part. Rather than feeling over anxious about his messaging habits and what they do or don’t mean.
How Often Should You Talk When You First Start Dating?
Spoiler alert..it’s not everyday. When you first start dating, I highly recommend that texting be mainly for touching base 2-3 times a week in-between dates. As wells as for logistics. Such as, making dates and confirming plans for your next date.
While you may think that it’s better to talk everyday, texting frequency will not determine the outcome of your relationship. Too much texting in the beginning without a solid connection made in real life, can lead to your budding relationship fizzling instead of flourishing.
Because in the long run, the texting part doesn’t create the sound foundation that makes a new relationship last. It’s the experiences that you share together in person that will ultimately solidify your connection and your relationship.
Is It Ok To Text Everyday?
Though I do highly recommend pacing yourself when it comes to talking and texting everyday, (if that’s the norm for you both), it won’t necessarily doom your new relationship. But only if you’re balancing it out with connecting on the phone, and in person on dates.
If you do want to talk everyday, then adding in a phone call is a good option. Though talking on the phone may feel old school, studies out of The University of Texas at Austin suggest otherwise. Concluding that although people often choose to text someone, a phone call is much more likely to produce the feelings of connection that they’re craving. (1)
The Way Guys Text
Though it sure would be nice to know for sure. The reality is that habits vary and every guy texts differently. There’s no set number of messages that mean that he likes you. Or that he wants a relationship with you.
Some guys will text you all day long when you’re newly dating. Then once the relationship develops, and they’ve “caught you” will then begin to text you less often. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ve lost interest. Just that they’re comfortable in the relationship and not focusing on pursuing you in the same way that they previously did.
While still other guys right from the start, will only send messages that are brief and straightforward. Mainly using texting as a way to check in a few times a week. To arrange the next date, or for some other logistical reason.
Yet, there are other men who will bombard you with messages at the beginning. Make you feel special and like it’s going somewhere. But in reality they never ask you on a date in real life.
Texting In The Early Stages Of Dating A Guy
No matter what a guy’s texting style is, it’s important to realize that it’s not always a reflection of his level of interest in you.
For example that guy, that’s always messaging you but never asks you out. Or the one that runs hot and cold. Or the one that only messages you after 10PM on a Friday night.
When you’re newly dating focus on the guy that is consistently communicating with you. As well as, showing interest and intent, by the quality and content of his messages. In addition to, and most importantly, moving your relationship forward by planning and taking you on dates in real life.
If he’s not doing that, then he’s probably not the one. No matter how cute, funny or successful you might think he is.
Texting Habits When You Are Newly Dating
Studies have shown that one of the factors that determines relationship satisfaction is a couples texting style. (2) With couples who have similar texting habits reporting being happier overall with their partner. (3)
In order minimize any miscommunication and misunderstandings between each other. It’s especially important to take your new love interests texting style and habits into consideration.
Because we often jump to conclusions or make negative assumptions about the other person. One that is based on your own biases and past relationship experiences.
When in reality, you actually have very little information about the person. So what is really happening is that you’re making up a story about them.
And that story? Is often the one that can be totally self-sabotaging and completely derail that promising relationship. Because the story is usually the one brings up lurking insecurities and fears of abandonment. Which unless addressed, can keep you trapped and forever riding that emotional roller coaster.
Have A Grown Up Conversation With Him
Happy relationships begin and end with healthy communication. So why not start building your relationship skills now? Because, the clearer you are on how he communicates over text. The less you’ll have to wonder what his messaging habits mean.
Share what your texting communication style and preferences are. As well as, ask about his. There are many men that once you let them know what you like, are happy to do their best to accommodate your preferences.
Though please keep in mind that this is not about making demands that he texts you everyday. Or that has to completely change to match your style and habits.
It’s about gaining a better understanding of how each other communicates in a relationship.
How Often Should You Initiate Texting With A Guy?
A guy doesn’t have to text first every time. You can also initiate a text with him, once for every 3 or so first messages that he sends you. Though this is not a hard and fast rule. More like a general rule of thumb. It’s completely ok to start a conversation anytime that feels right to you.
It’s also ok to initiate less often and more on the side of every 3-5 messages. The point is that no one person should be doing all the work.
Those numbers should be used as a general guideline. It’s not about playing games. It’s more about making sure that you and your budding romance maintains a healthy balance.
For some fun ways to start a conversation over text with a guy, (with examples) check out my article here.
How Do You Text When You First Start Dating?
I do a total run down of everything you need to know in my article How To Text A Guy You Like (21 Texting Tips For The Modern Woman), by clicking here. It will help you navigate the ups and downs of texting. It also comes with a few helpful examples that you can send him as well.
When you first start dating a guy you like, it’s can be easy to fall into the trap of endlessly analyzing and overthinking his texts. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
If you find yourself worrying about how often he’s texting you in the beginning then take a moment to reframe your thoughts and the story you’re telling yourself. Because, if he’s texting you and moving the relationship forward. Then you can probably relax and take it as good sign.
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