Signs he's pulling away from you. How to tell and what to do.
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11 Warning Signs He’s Pulling Away From You (Exact Ways To Tell)

Think you see the signs that he’s pulling away, but aren’t sure? Here’s 11 ways to tell if your guy is withdrawing from you.

When you start to feel like your man is acting distant it can be confusing. One minute your worried that he’s showing the signs of pulling away. And the next, you’re wondering if you’re overthinking things, and its all in your head.

Every relationship, whether it’s in the early stages or longer, is going to have its ups and downs. So if you think he’s acting distant, then maybe he is. But it’s also important not to jump to any conclusions right away. The first step is to learn what the real signs of pulling away are. Then understand how to deal with the situation.

Today I’m sharing 11 tell tale signs that your guy is pulling away from you. If you see one or two of them, then as a general rule of thumb you can breathe easy. It might just be your old relationship fear rearing its ugly head. And if you determine that what’s going on. Then the good news is that you don’t have to worry too much.

If you see three or more, though it may still not be cause to panic, it’s time to at least pay attention. Because he may be showing the signs that he’s withdrawing from your relationship after all.

How to tell if he's pulling away

11 Signs He’s Pulling Away From You

Use these signs if you’re wondering how to tell if he’s pulling away from you.

1. He Texts and Calls You, Less And Less

The first sign that a man has started to pull away from you starts with him initiating texts and calling you less and less.

Other similar signs are that he takes ages to respond to your texts. Or disappears on you in the middle of a conversation. Then when he does reply its hours later.

Usually something either vague,  a one word answer, or a weak excuse. Along the lines of “busy at work”, “just saw this now”.  Both of which do nothing to further the conversation or communication with you.

Yes, everyone gets busy, and its natural for communication between couples to to ebb and flow over time. And yes, sometimes there can be a valid reason for the delay. But in this case it comes down to consistency.

If the communication goes from steady to severely slowing down for an extended period of time. Then it doesn’t go back to normal again, he could be pulling the slow fade on you.

2. He Stops Making Future Plans

If he’s stopped setting up dates or committing to weekend plans. If when he talks about his future plans or goals, you’re no longer mentioned. Then chances are that he’s starting to distance himself from you.

When a man sees a future with you he will plan dates. He will think about spending time with you. Not just this weekend, but next summer too.

As well as, naturally talk about his short term and long term life and career goals with you in mind.

If he’s stopped doing that, it could be because there’s something getting in the way of him seeing a clear future with you.

He runs hot and cold

3. He Starts To Run Hot and Cold

At some point every woman has experienced the guy that runs hot and cold. He seems so into you at the beginning, then there’s a shift. You go from regular dates, calling and texting. To him suddenly fading away.

At first you think there’s nothing wrong. After all your dates have been oozing chemistry. But then three or four days go by without so much as a good morning text.

Then when you reach out, he responds that he’s “crazy, busy”. Then when you finally stop initiating the communication? There’s only silence from him.

He may then start to run hot again, pursuing you. You may even start to feel relived. Assuming that things with him are back on track again. Only to experience him repeating the same pattern and disappearing on you again.

We all have times when life gets busy, but if a guy is interested he’ll make time for you. If you’re going from regular communication, to not hearing from him for days on end. Then its a sign that he’s pulling away from you.

4. He’s Stopped Integrating You Into His Life

Has he stopped moving your relationship forward and integrating you into his life?  If he’s no longer talking about a future together, and making plans. Or he no longer invites you to important events or introduces you to his friends or family.

If f he’s stopped using “we” or “us” when talking about his future goals.

Then it’s a sure sign that he’s pulling away.

He's more secritive

5. He’s Way More Secretive

He may have changed his phone or email passwords. He turns his phone away from you and takes calls in another room. He texts people that you don’t know. Or he’s constantly focused on his phone, instead of you.

Where once he was an open book, it’s no longer the case. It’s an indication that there’s something going on that you need to pay attention to. 

6. He Cancels On You At The Last Minute

He makes plans, but then bails on you at the last minute. At first, you’re not used to this, so you give him the benefit of the doubt. You tell yourself he’s stressed and overworked. You believe that things will go back to normal once he meets his deadline or his pressures ease up.

But then you realize that why he’s leaving you hanging, is not all about work. He’s cancelling on you, but then going to the gym or for drinks with friends.

Unfortunately if he’s stopped treating you like a priority, and started treating you like you’re just another option. Then its a signal that he’s fading away. 

If you don't meet his family or friends, then he probably doesn't want a relationship

7. He Has A New Group of Friends

He’s started to spend less time with you, and more time with people you’ve never heard of or met before.

Though spending time with a new crowd or following new interests doesn’t always mean the end of a relationship. It could be a sign that you might be on different paths.

Paths which may or may not, lead to the same place.

This one can be tricky, because it’s healthy to make new friends and have separate interests. But at the same time, there’s a high potential for disaster. Which can happen, when you don’t make sure to keep taking the time to explore your interests together.

Besides taking the time to keep connecting over the common activities that brought you together. Its equally important to explore new pursuits as a couple as well (1). As there’s strong, scientific evidence (2) that sharing new, and novel experiences together can keep your relationship fresh and strong.

He's stopped investing in you

8.  He’s Stopped Investing In You

He used to try to impress you. He used to be so thoughtful. He’d send you sweet texts, buy you flowers and always ask about your day. But, these days he seems to hardly notice you.

And seems to care about impressing you less and less. He’s often late, cancels plans, spends more time at work or with others.

While it’s unrealistic to think that life will always be the days of champagne and roses, that come when you first meet. Your relationship should still be consistently filled with your partner making you feel like they care. No matter what life throws at you.

If you no longer feel like a priority in his life. If the consistent investment in you and your relationship is no longer there. Then it’s a signal that your man is pulling away from you.

9. He’s Less Affectionate Towards You

A partner withdrawing from physical touch is a definite sign to pay attention to. In the early stages of dating its quiet normal to have a hard time keeping your hands off each other. Its also normal for things to settle into a specific habits or routines over time.

If he’s not showing you the same affection or attention that is a normal part of your pattern as a couple. It could be an indication that he’s pulling away from your relationship.

You feel like something is off

10. He Seems Distant

At the beginning of your relationship the sparks are flying and you can’t get enough of each other. You’re texting, calling and spending tons of time together. It all seems to just flow so naturally.

Then one day it’s no longer the same.

And out of the blue…it starts to feel like he’s a million miles away.

Even if he’s sitting right there, in the same room as you.

It may even seem fine over text during the day, but then when you see each other he’s just less engaged. He’s less curious about you. Your life and your interests.

He might be more annoyed and less patient with you. He may ignore your attempts to connect or communicate.

He’s there, but just not there anymore.

Every relationship had natural ups and downs. If he’s starting to pull away, then you’ll notice that you feel an unexplainable distance. And his pattern will go from making you a priority to dwindling over time.

No longer putting much or any effort into spending quality time. Or connecting with you the way he once did.

11. You Feel Like Something’s Off

Sometimes this is all it really comes down too. Things may seem fine on the surface. But deep down there’s something off. You might not be able to really nail down or articulate it.

You just know.

Here’s the thing, if you have a feeling that something is off? Chances are you’re on to something. 

You know your relationship. You know your guy. So trust yourself.

Now, that doesn’t mean its time to push the panic button yet.

These feelings are your intuition alerting you to pay attention to what’s been going on between you.

We often think that a good relationship isn’t going to require much effort or work. But the truth is, that even the best relationships do require constant communication between partners to remain healthy and thriving. (3)

So what’s your gut instinct telling you? Is he showing the signs of pulling away? Or maybe it’s telling you something else.

Whatever it is, if you can’t shake the feeling that something is up, definitely don’t ignore it.

How To Tell If He’s Pulled Away

How To Tell If He’s Pulled Away

Sometimes by just reading the signs above, you can get an idea of if he’s withdrawing from you or not. Other times, if you want to know how to tell it can be helpful reflect on his actions by asking yourself a few questions.

Below are some questions to help you sort out what you’re feeling. So you can get a better idea of if he’s really showing the signs of pulling away from you, (or not).

  • What kinds of conversations do you have? Are they meaningful or only surface level?
  • Does he plan dates ahead of time?
  • Does he show up on time or text you if he’s running late?
  • Does he seem curious about you, your life, family friends, work, interests?
  • When he talks about the future, does he include you?
  • Did he come on strong for a few dates then quickly vanish? The reappear again weeks later?
  • Is he thoughtful and mindful about your likes and dislikes?
  • Does he say “me” instead of “we” or “us”?
  • Is he spending more time than usual on social media?
  • When you attempt to connect with him physically does he ignore you, leave or pull back?

What To Do If You Feel Like He’s Pulling Away

When the man that you have feelings for grows distant, it’s a scary feeling. It can make you feel unsafe and not loved. It can trigger all your deepest fears about all the reasons why you aren’t good enough for the kind of love that you want.

And it can make you want to do anything that you can to fix it. Just so you can get back to the way things once were with him.

However when a man pulls away, you chasing him and taking action to try and fix things between you, doesn’t work. And it will often just push him further away.

Neither does trying to convince him to love you, pursue you or want you. And trying to make him see your worth, will get you nowhere too.

So what does work, what should you do?

The number one thing to do when you feel like he’s pulling away is to do nothing. Don’t go into fear mode and chase him. Don’t lose your mind trying to figure out how to get him back. Don’t start texting him, calling him or spend your energy stalking him online.

It’s important for you to just let him be and give him space.

Then spend your time focusing on you. On your life, your personal growth and doing things that make you happy.

Then when the time is right you can talk to him about how you’re feeling. Because no, you don’t have to completely ignore it, and act like nothing happened.

But here’s the catch.

It has to be when the time is right.

Which is typically when he gets back in touch with you. Check out my article on how to get a guy to open up here.

For the exact steps to take when he’s withdrawn, gone silent or faded away. Whether you’re in the early dating stages, or in a longer relationship read my article here -What To Do when He’s Pulled Away From You 

Does he want a relationship or is he pulling away

Why He Pulled Away In the First Place

The number one reason why a man pulls away, has absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s nothing do with a mistake you made or anything that you’ve done wrong.

Even though it feels like it’s about you, it’s not.

When a guy needs some space, he’s not usually even fixating on you at the time. He’s thinking about his life, his personal priorities and responsibilities.

When men are feeling stressed or under pressure it’s completely natural for them to need space. Men don’t deal with stress the same way that a woman does.

While most women tend to want to work through their feelings by talking it out with someone they trust. Men don’t process their emotions the same way. They tend to naturally withdraw and deal with it on their own.

So before you totally freak out over him needing space. Remember, that it might not have anything to do with you at all. For more reasons why men pull away (especially early on) read my article here.

If you’ve been dating a guy for a while and there’s a lot of push / pull. Or you aren’t certain if wants to be a relationship, read this article here – These are the exact signs that he doesn’t want a committed relationship. 

Final Thoughts 

If you see signs that he’s pulling away it can be a truly painful experience to go though. And if he gets space and withdraws from you, then one of two things can happen. He’ll either come back to you, (yay!!) Or not. And if not, then that’s ok too.

Because here’s the truth – you deserve so much more than a man that isn’t going to be all in with you. Who isn’t going to be there for you the way you need him to be. Who doesn’t want to pursue you or build a life with you. Its a good thing when that guy is gone. Because then you’re free.

Free to focus on your life and having the relationship with the right man for you.

XO,

Deanna

THE NEXT STEP

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Here Are The Signs a Guy Is Pulling Away From You

1. He Texts and Calls You, Less And Less
2. He Stops Making Future Plans
3. He Starts To Run Hot and Cold
4. He’s Stopped Integrating You Into His Life
5. He’s Way More Secretive
6. He Cancels On You At The Last Minute
7. He Has A New Group of Friends
8.  He’s Stopped Investing In You
9. He’s Less Affectionate Towards You
10. He Seems Distant
11. You Feel Like Something’s Off

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