Why Does He Keep Contacting Me If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?
If you’ve been wondering “Why does he keep contacting me if he doesn’t want a relationship?”, then you’re in the right place. Because today you’ll find out the real reasons why he’s doing it and what you can do about it.
There’s this guy. You like him. A lot. He’s not really your boyfriend because he’s told you that he’s not looking for a relationship. Yet the situation is kind of confusing because his actions seem to say otherwise.
Sometimes trying to figure out if the guy that you’re into, is also interested. Can make you feel like you’re trying to solve the worlds biggest mystery.
But the truth is men are very direct and for the most part they say what they mean.
In todays article you’ll discover what it really means when he says he doesn’t want a relationship but still keeps contacting you, texting you or asking you out.
As well as, if a guy can like you but still not want a relationship. In addition to, what it means when he says he doesn’t want a relationship with you but his actions say otherwise. Finally what to do if he doesn’t want anything serious and you do.
Why Does He Keep Contacting Me If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?
The reason he keeps contacting you even if he says he doesn’t want a relationship is because he’s looking for some of the perks that come with being in a relationship, without actually committing to the rules and responsibilities of one. These benefits can come in the form of your time, your attention or a physical connection.
It’s not about you not being relationship material in his eyes or good enough in some way. It’s about him being upfront about what he wants. Which is that he doesn’t want to be or isn’t ready to be exclusive with anyone at the moment. Regardless of how great they are.
When A Guy Says He Doesn’t Want A Relationship Right Now
When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship with you, it can be a sign that he’s a player. Or a red flag that he’s stringing you along and using you.
But it’s also true that not every guy that tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship is a player. Yes, there are plenty of men that will play you. Men that are emotionally unavailable or commitment-phobes.
However, there are also some good guys who aren’t ready for a serious romantic relationship for one reason or another, but still want companionship.
While yes, it’s kind of comforting to know that the guy you’re in a “situation-ship” with might not turn out to be a total player.
It doesn’t make it less true that the reality is this:
It doesn’t matter if he’s a player or a nice guy.
Because if he’s telling you that he isn’t ready to be in an exclusive relationship. Then he isn’t available to be your boyfriend, or if you want to settle down and get married your husband.
Which isn’t the best news if you really like him. But at least if you know the truth you can move on and find a guy that is ready and available to be your man.
5 Reasons He Keeps Contacting You Even Though He Doesn’t Want A Relationship
There are a number of reasons why a guy will keep contacting you even if he says he doesn’t want an exclusive relationship with you. For purposes of this article, I have boiled it down to the main 5 types of men that will try to keep you around. Even though they don’t want anything serious.
1. He’s Not Ready To Be In A Relationship But Still Wants Companionship
As I noted above, there are good guys out there that aren’t ready to be in a relationship. In this case, he may not feel ready to settle down because he hasn’t reached a specific goal in his personal life or his career. It could be because he has family obligations. Or is going through a transition in his life.
Whatever the reason he takes the responsibilities of commitment seriously. So when he tells you that he can’t commit to you. It’s because he doesn’t want to be the kind of guy that hurts you. Or a man that can’t deliver on his promises.
Typically, this guy will often turn out to be the one that wants your companionship and friendship and will treat you well. The guy that still wants to see you and actually starts feel that he’s getting feelings for you and becoming your boyfriend.
But make no mistake about it. If he’s told you directly that he isn’t looking for anything serious. Then he means it.
So even though you may feel like his actions are confusing. To him it’s not. Because in his eyes he’s compartmentalized the relationship. And his real feelings for you don’t go beyond a friend with benefits or a casual dating type situation.
2. He Wants To Keep His Options Open To Date Multiple Women
There are some men who are only interested in dating multiple women and having a string of casual relationships. Now there’s nothing wrong with someone that only wants to date casually. To each their own. But if you’re reading this then you’re probably hoping for more.
Unfortunately hope or a great connection isn’t enough. Because if a guy only wants to date you casually. Then there’s really nothing that can make him take your relationship to the next level.
So unless you walk away and stop responding to him. Then he will keep contacting you. For as long as he thinks that you’re ok with his casual relationship lifestyle.
3. He’s Keeping You On The Back Burner
He keeps in touch with you because he’s keeping you around as a back-up plan. In this scenario, he may or may not be pursuing other women. He just may be lonely and craving attention. Or he may not know what he wants.
But what he does know, is that he wants you to be there on the back burner in a holding pattern. Just in case he does want you to hook up with you someday.
This the that guy that will send you texts here and there to keep the connection warm. Just to see how receptive you are to him. If you respond to his messages in a friendly or flirty way. Then he knows that you’re still on his hook and available to him anytime he reaches out.
If you feel like this may be your situation. Then it’s time to stop and face the hard truth. This behaviour is a sign that no matter how great you think things could be between you. This type of guy, is not actually the quality man that you think he is. And ultimately he’s just not your guy.
4. He Has An Avoidant Attachment Style
He may keep contacting you but is not able to sustain a relationship with you because he has an avoidant attachment style. The avoidant man will continue to reach out to you simply because it’s his pattern and at some level he may still crave connection.
A guy that has an avoidant attachment style can really mess with your head. Because if you don’t recognize what he’s doing, he will string you along. For weeks, months or sometimes years with his toxic relationship drama.
A big sign that a guy may be an avoidant type man. Is that he send you mixed signals by running “hot and cold”. One week actively contacting you, then the next week pulling away.
If you think that the guy that you’re involved with a that has commitment issues or has an avoidant attachment style. Then it’s best for you to just move on.
Unfortunately, an avoidant man will not be able to commit to you. Because honestly it’s just too difficult for him to actually maintain a long-term, healthy relationship.
And no, you can’t fix him. His issues can only be healed when he recognizes his patterns and does the work to change them.
5. He’s Contacting You Because He Wants A Booty Call
That charming guy, that seems like the total package? Like you could really see it going somewhere with him, if only…? Well he keeps reaching out to you because he is in fact not a nice guy. He’s a just a run of the mill player that’s only looking to sleep with you.
Harsh I know. But sometimes these things need to be said outright.
Because the truth is that there are many men who will keep you as a booty call for as long as you let them. And if a player feels like you’re receptive and available. Plus he has great time with you. Well, then even better.
For him anyway.
If you’re wondering wether you’re a booty call or not a few of the classic signs are the following: He only ever texts you and doesn’t call. Or he wants to see you late at night. He doesn’t invest in getting to know the real you. He doesn’t take you on dates and only wants to hang out at his place or yours. Then when you’re actually spending time together, it’s all about getting you into the bedroom.
Essentially it’s all about him getting what he wants. When he wants it.
Why Does He Keep Texting Me If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?
If he keeps texting you in a flirty way but doesn’t want a relationship with you. It’s a sign that he doesn’t see a future with you and is interested in a friends with benefits situation. He could also be lonely and looking for an ego boost. Or he may know that he likes you, but isn’t sure what he wants. So he’s keeping you around just in case.
Either way, it all adds up to showing you that he’s not your guy and it’s high time that you move on.
For more on a guys texting habits check out our post here >> What To Do When A Guy Is Texting You Everyday But Never Asks You Out
Can A Guy Like You But Not Be Ready For A Relationship?
Yes, a guy can like you and still not be ready for a relationship. If a guy is telling you that he likes you but isn’t ready commit. It’s never about whether he or not he likes you. It’s about the guy being at a point in his life where a committed relationship isn’t a priority for him. He may be the kind of guy that needs to focus on this career or achieving a certain financial or personal goal before he feels ready. Or he may be never be ready because he’s just not the settling down type.
Hearing this perspective from a woman’s point of view may be a bit hard to relate to. As most women naturally tend to value relationships and connecting with others over specific career goals. Not that women aren’t total badass boss ladies, because we are.
It’s just that more often that not, women will tend to prioritize their relationships either above or while, working towards their other goals.
Men tend operate differently. For many men the confidence and respect that comes from building a successful and financially stable career can far outweigh the benefits of being in a romantic relationship. Which it is not to say that men don’t value relationships they do.
It’s just that for many men, serious relationships only become a priority after achieving a certain level of professional or personal success. When they are able to shift their focus and see themselves ready to be husbands and fathers.
To discover what makes a man settle down and commit check our my article here >> What Makes A High Quality Man Fall Deeply In Love and Commit
Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With Me?
If a man doesn’t want a relationship but with you but still keeps you around, it’s because he wants the benefits of a relationship like your attention or physical affection. Without the rules and responsibilities of being in one. Such as, building trust, being monogamous and having emotional intimacy. It may be because he’s the peter pan or player type that wants to just sleep with you. It could also be that he’s insecure or lonely and feels validated by the attention he gets from you.
This situation can be confusing because even though he tells you he doesn’t want to be exclusive with you he keeps texting you. Flirting with you. He may even be calling you everyday. Or asking to see you or hang out on weekend.
Which can be extremely misleading to most women. Because it really can start to feel like things are going somewhere and you are in a real relationship with him.
And well the truth is, you kind of are. It’s just not the kind healthy and stable one that you want.
The kind of relationship that you’re really in isn’t heading towards a long term commitment. It’s really more of a “Situation-ship”. Which at the end of the day is more along the lines of a friends with benefits, casual situation. Which in my experience as a dating and relationship expert for several year now, seldom, if ever, turn into anything more.
What To Do If He Says He Doesn’t Want A Relationship
If he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship and you do. Then it’s time to stop giving him your time, energy and attention and walk away. I know that maybe deep down you are hoping to hear that I have some magic trick up my sleeve. But the truth is that there is no magic bullet. Non-committal men don’t suddenly change their minds and turn into devoted boyfriends and husbands.
When a guy you like doesn’t want you, the way you want him it can feel devastating. And it can feel difficult to cut him off and walk away.
But isn’t it much worse to constantly not feel loved the way you want to feel loved? To constantly feel confused and frustrated? Wasting your time and energy on a man that is never going to be the kind of man that you really deserve?
Because there are plenty of men that do want to settle down. Men that love the idea of commitment and want to be husbands and fathers. Men that would do anything to be with you. Men that will But you will never get a chance to meet the right guy unless you walk away from the wrong one.
Related >> What To Do When He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You (10 Ways To Deal With A Guy That Doesn’t Want To Commit)
When He Says Doesn’t Want A Serious Relationship (and You Do)
A big part a dating to find love is the different discovery phases that you will experience as you get to know your potential mate. During each phase there will be green flags that signal you to keep moving forward with that person. As well as, red flags that will tell you that it’s time to move on from them.
If you want to be in a committed, exclusive relationship then a vital part your dating discovery process will be for you to look for the green flags that tell you he does to. To do this you must find out within the first 1-2 dates what his dating intentions are.
If he’s on the same page as you great. That’s your green flag to keep moving forward with him. If not, that’s a red flag that you aren’t aligned and it’s time to move on from him.
If at anytime during your dating discovery phase a man tells you that doesn’t want a relationship but contacts you, texts you or still wants to see you. It’s not a green flag that he’s suddenly turned into the committed type. It’s a huge red flag that his values and relationship goals don’t match yours. And therefore he’s not a match for you.
Keep in mind that it goes both ways, and your words and actions are also sending him signals.
For example, if you’re engaging with a man that tells you that he doesn’t want anything serious it doesn’t signal to him that you are now assuming his intentions have changed. Nor does he know that you’re going along with things for now. But hope or expect him to settle down with you eventually.
He see’s it as that he’s been up front about his intentions with you. So when he reaches out to you and you respond by continuing to engage with him, by texting him back, by seeing him or sleeping with him etc. He takes it as green flag that you’re on same page as him.
Which is why it’s so essential to be clear on what each others dating intentions and relationship goals are from the beginning. Then as you date only move forward with a man that is in alignment with your same goals. A man that is ready and available to be at the level of commitment you require. As well as, a man that can also give you the feeling of emotional commitment that you desire.
When A Guy Says He’s Doesn’t Want To Be In A Relationship But Still Keeps Contacting You
When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship right now it’s important to believe him. Even if he keeps contacting you and you think his actions say otherwise. Because when a man tells you this outright. There’s nothing that you can do to change his mind.
And if you’re in doubt? Don’t forget that you can always ask him if he’s changed his mind. You don’t have to sit there wondering or searching for clues. It’s ok to have an honest and direct conversation with him.
However, at the end of the day if he doesn’t want to commit that means that no matter how great you think a he is. Or how amazing the chemistry is. Or how much he texts you or reaches out you. It’s not enough to change things between you.
The truth is if you want to be in a committed relationship. If you want a boyfriend, or to settle down, get married and have a family. You have to stop chasing the wrong guys and entangling yourself in dead-end “Situation-ships” that leave you heartbroken.
Then start setting high standards for yourself and choose to only date men that are ready, available and 100% on the same page as you.
Because, you are worthy and deserving of an amazing relationship with a quality man that loves, adores and is committed to you.
XO,
Deanna
**THE NEXT STEP**
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