If you don’t know what to do when he doesn’t want a relationship then start here. With 10 things that will save you from getting your heart broken by a man that isn’t serious about you.
Hearing that the guy that you’re starting to really like doesn’t want a relationship has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. Especially, if you’ve been spending a lot of time together and have begun to think that he could turn out to be Mr. Right.
One day things seem to be really moving along with him. But then the next thing you know he tells you that he doesn’t want a serious romantic relationship. Or maybe he tells you he likes you but doesn’t want to put a label on things.
He might say that he just broke up with someone, and tell you “let just see how it goes”. Or that he doesn’t know what he wants right now, but he still wants to see you.
Then you’re left feeling crushed and disappointed. Wondering what went wrong and what to do now.
Unfortunately, this scenario is all too common these days. You are not alone. I get a lot of women coming to me for coaching in this same situation.
Women who just like you are also confused about why he didn’t feel the same way. Or want the same things as them. And are asking themselves what to do now.
So the question then becomes, how do you deal with a guy that doesn’t want a relationship? Should you try and get him commit? Will he change is mind? Or would it be better to walk away. Cut him off and let him go?
In today’s article you’ll find answers to those questions and more. Plus, I’m also sharing with you a very specific technique that you can use if you’re having a hard time letting him go.
What To Do When He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You
1. Believe Him When He Tells You That He Doesn’t Want A Relationship
When a guy tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship it’s important to believe him, because he’s telling you the truth. What he’s saying to you is very critical information that will affect your life. As well as, the decisions that you have to make. For the sake of your own happiness and long-term relationship goals.
Which means that if you do want to be in a serious relationship, and he tells you that he doesn’t. It’s a red flag that you should pay close attention too. It also means that you should definitely not make any excuses as to why it isn’t true or ignore it.
Unfortunately, many women if they really like a man, often turn a blind eye when he reveals what his relationship intentions are. And what is essentially a big red flag planted right there in between them. Then soldier on as if it couldn’t possibly be true.
They hope that once he sees how great things are between them that he will change his mind. As well as, spend a lot time and energy, analyzing him and making up all kinds of stories about why he’s too scared to fall in love.
Or telling themselves that his actions say otherwise, and with a little more time he’ll change his mind. Once he sees how amazing they are.
But the harsh reality is those stories aren’t real.
Because when a man tells that he’s not looking for anything serious. He’s telling you what his real dating and relationship intentions are. Period.
So save yourself the heartache and believe him.
2. Don’t Overthink It Or Take It Personally
Next, when a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship right now it’s essential to see it for what it is and not take it personally. Even though it may feel personal. It’s not about you. So don’t turn it into a story about you not being good enough for him or for love. Or get stuck in a pattern of over analyzing what happened. Spinning in fear, and a never ending cycle of self blame. At the end of the day, this is comes down to him being honest about his relationship goals.
I know that this step can be very difficult and I think we’ve all been there at some point. Yes, there is no denying that when you’re in the situation. It’s really hard not to feel like it’s personal and like you’ve been rejected.
You are NOT being rejected, you ARE being re-directed towards a man that is right for you.
So always keep in mind, when a man tells you he’s not looking for anything serious, it’s not because you’ve done something wrong. Or because you aren’t good enough for him. He knows what his dating intentions are and is simply being upfront about them.
Which is that he doesn’t want to be or isn’t ready to be serious with anyone at the moment.
Regardless of how great the chemistry is or how beautiful, smart or cool you are.
You just don’t want the same things and finding that out about someone is a normal part of the dating process.
3. Get Clear On What You Kind Of Relationship You Want
What kind of partner and relationship do you want to experience? Are you looking for something serious or are you ok with keeping things casual? If you’re here reading this article it may be safe to assume that you want to be in a loving and committed relationship with a quality guy.
If that truly is what you want. Then accepting a casual relationship but really hoping for more, is truly accepting less than you deserve.
Not to mention that doing this will not only leave you stuck in an endless cycle of worry, fear and misery. It will also chip away at your self confidence, and sense of self worth. Ultimately, wasting precious years of your life. Years that could be spent with the right guy.
So get clear on what you want. What your dating deal breakers are and be willing to walk away from the wrong guy.
So that you can find your forever guy.
4. Be Willing To Walk Away, But If You Can’t Then Do This
If he’s not interested in a relationship and you are, then in a perfect world you cut him off and walk away. However, walking away is often much easier said than done. Because sometimes that hope in your heart takes a very, very, long time to die.
So what do you do then? How do you handle it if you really want to give him a chance to see if he will step up and commit?
When I have a client that comes to me already in this situation and she is having a hard time breaking free of a non-committal man. Then firstly, of course we discuss only dating men that are 100% aligned with their relationship goals.
Next, if they are determined to give him a chance to change is mind there is a certain dating method that you can do.
But I share what this technique is, let’s get clear on what this method IS and is NOT…
What it’s NOT…it’s not a secret magic cure-all that will make him magically fall in love and want only you. (That doesn’t exist no matter what some dating experts will tell you….)
What it IS…it is a proven way to date that is VERY high value. It will bring the right guy into your life and effortlessly get rid of the wrong ones. It will also help you date with more confidence and connect with the fact that you are the prize. And that any guy would be lucky to be with you.
Ok, let’s get back to what you can do…if I have a coaching client and she really likes a guy and is determined to keep the door open to him, then of course she can.
BUT…if she’s really serious about finding a real relationship and using coaching with a dating and relationship expert to help her get to that point. Then there are certain ground rules.
And if this is you too then here’s where to start…
First, if he tells you that the doesn’t want anything serious with you, then have stop chasing him, or looking for with some magic solution to make him want you. And instead you should use a technique with him called mirroring. (More below)
Secondly, you have to be open to dating men that are 100% available for a serious romantic relationship in every way. That means mentally, emotionally, financially and physically. AND you will also use the mirroring technique with these guys.
Let me explain…
5. Respond To Him Using The Mirroring Technique
Mirroring is a technique which allows you to still respond to the guy that you like, but only in a way that mirrors his actions. Essentially, what that means is that you’re only investing in guys that are also investing in you. Which helps to give you a better and more balanced perspective on the guy that you’re dating.
The mirroring technique goes like this – if he reaches out and texts you, then you text him back. If he calls, then you call him back. If he asks you on a date, you can then go on a date.
But this goes both ways. So if he doesn’t text or call you, then you don’t text or call him. If he doesn’t make plans, then you don’t try to make plans with him.
You don’t “save space” in your day for him hoping he calls. Or keep your Friday night open hoping that he asks you out. You don’t cancel dates with other men if he calls at the last minute either.
If he doesn’t move your relationship forward or invest in you. Then he doesn’t get 1 second of your time, energy or attention.
6. Keep Your Options Open By Dating Other Men
If you aren’t in a relationship with him then that means that you’re still single. So in addition to using the mirroring technique with him. It’s also vital to start dating other men in a high value way.
Only men that are 100% available and aligned with your values, long-term lifestyle and relationship goals. Men that are always moving your relationship forward and investing in you.
This is essentially one of the keys to grown-up and intentional dating. Dating in a way that brings the right guys to you. And rules the wrong ones out.
If you’re dating other guys, and in the meantime the non-committal man somehow reaches a point where he is ready to commit, then that’s great.
But until then it’s important that you don’t get derailed by a man that’s not aligned with your relationship goals.
If start to date this way what usually happens is that because you’ve set healthy boundaries and raised your standards. The non-committal man (that you couldn’t imagine not having in your life) suddenly doesn’t seem so great or he simply fades away.
But it doesn’t bother you that much at all.
Because at that point you’ve raised your self worth, and in the process discovered that you’re no longer attracted to men that don’t treat you well. Or give you the time and attention that you deserve.
Because you know that you’re the prize and deserving of a great high quality guy. In addition to the committed lasting relationship that you desire.
7. Date A Man’s Reality, Not His Potential
In the early stages of dating you’re essentially still discovering if you’re both right for each other. Part of that discovery process is isn’t just about whether or not you have chemistry. It’s also about getting to know what kind of person you’re looking for. As well as, what each others dating intentions and relationship goals are.
As you go on dates and get to know a new guy. Part of your process should be knowing what you want in a partner and commitment. Then you either rule your potential mate in (green flags) or out (red flags) by whether or not he appears to align with your goals.
(There are also yellow flags but for the sake of clarity in this particular situation let’s just stick with green and red for now.)
If you would like to have a serious, exclusive, monogamous relationship with a man. Then a crucial part your dating discovery process will be for you to look for the green flags that tell you he does to.
Ideally you do this by having a conversation. Where you find out what a guys dating intentions are as soon as possible. Or within the first 1-2 dates.
Then if he’s on the same page as you great. That’s your green flag to keep moving forward with him. If not, that’s a red flag and a bad sign that you aren’t aligned. Therefore, it’s time to move on from him.
If at anytime, wether that’s 2 dates in or 2 months in, a man tells you that doesn’t want a serious relationship then you must believe him. Then see it for what it is a bright red flag.
Which means that it’s time for you to walk away and turn your attention towards a man that is looking for a serious commitment.
8. Focus On Yourself
One of the best ways to deal with a man that doesn’t want to commit is to focus on yourself and your life. There’s nothing sexier to a high quality guy, than a confident woman who is living a life that she truly enjoys. That doesn’t mean that you have to be perfect and have it all together. Just open to consciously creating a life that you actually love living.
Work on nurturing the other relationships that you have in your life with family or friends. As well as the relationship that you have with yourself. By consistently engaging in self loving activities and passions that light you up.
9. Own Your Worth
Recognize and affirm your value and your complete and total worthiness to have everything you want. Including a wonderful relationship and an amazing loving man in your life.
Worthiness cannot be given to you by others. It comes from within. By way of taking small steps everyday to build your sense of self-respect, self-worth and self-esteem.
Most of us are not taught this. Especially when it comes to love we constantly give away our power to men, various other relationships and past experiences that don’t deserve our love or attention.
Learning how to own your worth is an ongoing process. However, a good place to get started owing your worthiness for love is to raise your dating standards and expectations.
Learn how to set health boundaries and most importantly re-enforce them. Which will help you not only date happier, with more confidence, but also attract more high quality men into your life.
10. Have Faith That The Right Guy Will Show Up
Trust that if you see yourself as the prize, set healthy boundaries and only date men that are aligned with your goals. Then the right guy will come in to your life and pursue you.
It may not happen as fast as you want. And you may have to kiss a few frogs but it will happen for you.
There really are men out there in the dating pool that want to be in long-term committed relationships. That want to be part of a couple, get married and have families. Men that would do anything to be your guy.
You don’t have to spend time worrying that it won’t happen or trying to turn a frog into a prince. The right guy will be highly attracted to you.
So give yourself the space, the time and the opportunity to meet him.
What To Do When A Guy Doesn’t Want A Relationship
When a guy doesn’t want a relationship the first thing you should do is believe him. If you really like him and want to see if he will change his mind then you can try the mirroring technique. This will help you to see if he will step up and start investing in you and moving your relationship forward. Next, it’s time to get clear on what you want and keep your options open by dating other men. Finally, men will always reveal themselves to you. So pay attention to the green and red flags and always date a man’s reality not his potential.
Always remember you are the prize! The right guy is out there. The right relationship too, and it won’t feel difficult or stressful. You won’t have to struggle, worry or deal with mixed signals. It will feel aligned, calm, happy, safe and loving.
You deserve a healthy and amazing committed relationship with a wonderful man. Never settle or accept less than you deserve.
**THE NEXT STEP**
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