Wondering if he’s serious about you or not? Here are the 17 biggest signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you (and it might be time to move on).
When you start dating a new man, there’s definitely one thing on your mind. Is he the one, and is this going to turn into a serious relationship or not?
I know that bringing up the topic of a committed relationship with your new man can be scary. Many women want to know, but are afraid to ask.
They don’t want to chase him away. They don’t want what they’ve hoped or thought was a solid situation, to totally blow up in their face.
I get it, its scary putting yourself out there time and again.
I believe that if you want to find the right man you must date for it. And I always encourage the women that I coach to be 100% fearlessly upfront about their dating intentions and long term relationship goals. Right from the beginning. Because this is actually one of the biggest keys to finding the right guy.
You must date and chose men that want what you want. Regardless of how amazing the chemistry is. He needs to want to be in the same kind of relationship that you do, or he’s not your guy.
But most women aren’t working with a love life coach.
So it can be helpful to get a clear picture of what the biggest signs are. So that it can give you some indication of which direction that your relationship seems to be heading in.
As in do the signs point to a guy that’s looking for a casual or a committed relationship. Or do they point more towards the signs that a guy that likes you but doesn’t want a serious relationship with you.
Here’s how to tell….
17 Big Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You
1. He’s More Peter Pan Than Prince
When the Peter Pan first shows up, he seems like a breath of fresh air. He’s spontaneous, full of life, funny, creative and can be a lot of fun.
But, then reality sets in….
And it becomes clearer and clearer to you that something is off. And his behaviour isn’t that of a grown ass emotionally mature man. But that of a guy who’s avoiding all the personal and professional responsibilities of being an adult.
You notice that he doesn’t seem to have his priorities straight. He isn’t stable. He’s either unemployed or frequently changes jobs.
He avoids financial responsibilities and lets you pay all the time. You hear him saying things like he “lives for tomorrow”.
He likes to party and is constantly out drinking at all hours with his single guy friends. Most of whom haven’t grown up either.
If this sounds familiar then unfortunately he’s showing the classic behaviours of a Peter Pan (1). Which is one of the strongest signs that he’s not interested in a relationship or a long term commitment. Making it unlikely that he’s going to settle down with you anytime soon.
2. He’s Separated
Separated is not divorced. Period. I know that this can be hard to hear. But the truth is if he’s not divorced then it’s not over.
And even if he’s been separated for years, it doesn’t matter. If you’re dating and your goal is to be in a long term relationship, then consider it a red flag.
Because no matter what he says, there’s a reason that things have not been fully resolved between them (2). Kids, money, property, etc. There’s a whole lot going on there.
If you’re looking for a committed romantic relationship or marriage, I highly encourage you to date men who are aligned with your long term goals. That means where he’s at now. Not “someday when”.
A separated man is still legally married. Which means that he’s not free to marry you.
But what if he’s separated and says he’s looking for a relationship?
Out in the dating world, and especially online. There are many separated men that will tell you that they’re looking for a relationship. But often follow it up with a statement like – if the right woman comes along.
When a man makes statements along the lines of “if the right woman comes along” that’s a disclaimer.
It usually means “I’m dating and meeting women. I’m having fun with you. It could happen….if you totally blow me away and are my dream woman… but it probably won’t”.
In my experience, the separated guy usually gets online and dates as many women as possible. Until he finalizes his divorce. Then when he’s ready, he’ll start looking to settle down.
But by the time that happens you’ll more than likely, be long gone.
So if he’s separated take it for what it is. A sign he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
3. His Communication Is Inconsistent (He Runs Hot and Cold)
Does he only text you once a week? Or does his communication run hot and cold? One week texting you non-stop, then the next you don’t hear from him for days?
Relationships have a certain flow and communication patterns. Anything that varies outside of that, is something to pay attention to.
If his communication is inconsistent, it’s one of the tell tale signs he’s not interested in a being exclusive with you. As well as, a sign that you might actually just be one of many women that he’s keeping on the back burner (3).
4. He Avoids Talking About A Future With You
Have you been seeing each other for a while, but he never wants to talk about the future? It might be because he doesn’t see one with you.
If anytime that you bring up the future he changes the subject. Or ignores you. Or avoids making plans with you- then that’s a problem.
Relationships that are heading towards commitment and a long-term relationship have a natural flow. You will naturally spend more time together. Talk about your goals, dreams and long term plans. And include each other in them.
If that natural flow isn’t there, and he’s avoidant or always making future plans that don’t include you? Then it could be time to face a painful truth that he’s showing the classic signs that he doesn’t take you seriously. Which is also one of the definite signs he’s not invested in the relationship. And is more than likely only looking to have a casual relationship with you.
5. He Just Broke Up With Someone
At first glance the guy that just broke up with someone appears to be a catch. When you meet him he seems great. He might even take you on multiple dates and say that he can see a future with you.
Then suddenly you’ll start to feel things fizzle or he starts to pull away. And that’s because he’s just not ready for anything serious.
The good thing about men that just get out of a serious committed relationship, is that they usually are the settling down type.
The not so good news? Is that there is a time and season for everything. Including the break-up and recovery cycle. And if he just broke up with someone he’s still in the recovery cycle.
So theres a strong chance that the next woman he dates ends up being his rebound girl.
So while he seems like a great catch, he’s really just dipping his toe in the dating pool. Testing out his new single life, and unfortunately for you, not likely to settle down any time soon.
6. He Doesn’t Take You Out On Real Dates
A clear sign he doesn’t want to commit to you is if he doesn’t invest in planning or taking you on real dates. If instead of making an effort to ask you out ahead of time to a romantic dinner, the movies, a concert etc. The time that you spend with him always seems to be at the last minute. When he texts you to “hang out”. Then ends up as some version of Netflix and chill with take out at your place or his.
Then… its time to take notice!
A that man only sees you on his terms and puts little or no effort into your dates. Is showing you that he’s not going to take you seriously. And it’s definitely a red flag that you should not ignore.
When a man wants a relationship. He will take you on real dates and plan them. He will be proud to show you off and put a smile on your face. He will put in whatever effort it takes to impress you and spend quality time with you.
7. He Doesn’t Introduce You To His Friends Or Family
Meeting the important people in each other’s lives is a big step in any relationship. If a man sees a future with you then he’s going to want to see how you fit in to his personal life. He’ll want you to meet his friends and family and vice-versa.
There are not hard and fast rules here but this, typically happens somewhere around the 3 month mark
If you’ve been dating for longer than 3 months and you haven’t met any friends or family? If he isn’t making you part of his world or curious about yours? It’s big sign that he’s not moving towards being in a long term relationship with you.
8. He doesn’t Introduce You As His Girlfriend
Have you met someone from his inner circle but he only introduced you as a friend?
If you’ve been dating awhile and a man has serious intentions towards you, he will claim you. He will want his friends stamp of approval on you, and yours on them. He will introduce you as his date, the woman he’s been seeing, or outright as his girlfriend.
When a man you’ve been dating (and sleeping with) introduces you, simply a his friend? It’s a bad sign that he’s keeping his options open and doesn’t see a future with you.
9. He’s Unreliable and Bails On You Every Chance He Gets
The flakey guy makes dates, but has no problem cancelling his plans with you at the last minute. He’s also the type that when he actually shows up, he’s late more times than he’s not.
He is the guy that always puts you and your needs last. Or is constantly making lame excuses about how “busy” he is with this or that.
However, because you like him. You may find yourself even making up excuses for him when he does this. You may also think he’s sincere when he promises to make it up to you.
But then he does the same thing, and history repeats itself again and again.
To be fair, yes people have a life, and of course things are going to come up. But…
If it’s always something and the only thing that gives are his plans with you?
Then it means that you aren’t a priority for him. And he probably isn’t serious about wanting an actual long term committed relationship.
A man that wants to be in a committed relationship with you will try to impress you. He won’t constantly be late or cancel dates. He will take you out and want to spend time with you. He will make you a priority.
If he’s not doing that, then he doesn’t respect your time or want to invest in you.
And it’s a sure sign that he’s not the relationship ready man that you were hoping he was.
10. He Doesn’t Want To Make It Official
Does he avoid the exclusivity talk? Or when asked about defining the relationship, does he tell you that he doesn’t want to “put a label” on it?
If the answer is yes, then this is one of the biggest signs that he’s not interested in being in a exclusive relationship with you.
A man that’s not interested in moving things forward with you, but still wants all the benefits (like company or sex) will often make statements like…
- “I really enjoy spending time with you, but I’m really busy with work right now.”
- “I really like you, but right now I just want to have fun.”
- “Let’s hang out.”
- “I just broke up with someone, I’m not ready to get serious yet, let’s see where things go.”
- “I’m not really looking for something serious, but I’m open to possibilities.”
- “I really like you, but I’m the kind of guy that doesn’t like to put a label on things. Can’t we just see where things go?”
In many ways not defining a relationship, is defining it.
And of course, just because someone calls you his girlfriend doesn’t mean that they will end up being your happily ever after.
But a man that’s interested in commitment and a healthy relationship with you won’t avoid defining it.
He won’t make lame excuses or tell you that he doesn’t want to rush things. He will welcome the conversation and he will be excited to call you his girlfriend.
11. His Attention Has Dwindled Over Time
From time to time, even the healthiest relationships can have it’s share of ups and downs. However, a relationship that’s headed for long-term happiness will consistently always have more ups than downs.
If it’s not going anywhere, his pattern will go from coming on strong and making you a priority to dwindling over time. To no longer putting much or any effort into seeing or making plans with you.
12. He Texts You But Never Asks You Out
If he’s texting you daily but not asking you out it’s a clear sign that indicates that he’s not interested in having a real relationship with you. I know that hearing this can totally suck. Because often the guy is just so damn charming and appears to be sincerely interested in you.
But the reality is this – if a guy wants something serious he will text you and he will ask you out on real dates. He will always be moving the relationship forward not keeping it a holding pattern.
Why Would A Guy Text You If He’s Not Interested?
Why he keeps texting you could be because he’s bored or lonely. He just wants sex or because he wants options. Whatever the reason is it comes down to one thing. If he doesn’t make dates with you then he’s not ready or available to have a committed romantic relationship with you.
For more on how to deal with a guy that texts you but doesn’t ask you out check out my article here > What to do when he texts you everyday but doesn’t make plans (+ how to get him to ask you out).
13. He Acts Like He Is Still Single
A man that considers himself single will have tell tale signs. Such as, he’s been dating you for months but his online profile is still up and active. He always spends a lot of time on his phone and gets mysterious texts coming in all hours.
When you’re together he’s obviously checking out other women. He’ll rarely ever make weekend plans with you. And is often out all night with his friends who are all single.
If it acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck. Then it’s a duck.
If he’s acts like a single man and basically he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Without taking you into consideration?
Then he considers himself a single man.
And probably not looking for anything beyond casual with you.
14. You Put In All The Effort
Does it always feel like you’re putting more energy into connecting with him, than he is with you?
You’re always sending the first text. He text’s back, but it takes him hours or days to respond.
You’re initiating and planning the dates. You may even be paying for most of them.
If you find yourself chasing him and putting in all the work. Wanting to be fun and flirty and hold his interest. Then he’s probably not that interested in the first place and is a clear sign that he’s not going to take you seriously.
Because a man that doesn’t make an effort to see you. Does not want a serious relationship with you. He may want something else like friends with benefits or it could be a sign that he doesn’t know what he wants.
Either way it boils down to this he’s not going to ever take things to the next level or invest in building a real and lasting relationship.
A man that wants to go to the next level and have a relationship with you will put in consistent effort.
He will want to make plans. He will find out what you like and plan dates with that in mind. He will ask you questions about your life your hopes and dreams. He will regularly initiate texts and respond to your texts as soon as possible.
If he’s not investing in you, then, it’s because he’s not invested in having a relationship with you either.
15. He Hasn’t Integrated You Into His Life
If he’s not into a having a relationship with you, he won’t seriously consider you as a factor when making his decisions. He’ll make weekend plans without you mind. He’ll leave you out of certain social events, especially weddings, family gatherings and important work events.
If a man wants a relationship with you then he will naturally begin to make you a part of every aspect of his life. He will consider your opinion and check in with you on major decisions.
He won’t make plans without checking in with you first. He will invite you to social events. He’ll say “we” when speaking with others in groups.
You won’t have to wonder if he’s taking your seriously or if you’re actually together. Everything will point towards that you are now a couple and working towards building a future together.
16. He’s Emotionally Unavailable
While it’s true that men and women process and share their emotions differently. A relationship ready man will differ greatly from one that is emotionally unavailable.
Some of the signs that he’s emotionally unavailable are that he has difficulty opening up about his feelings to you. He has a hard time giving or receiving love. He avoids conversations that appear to be difficult or go to a deeper level.
He makes everything all about his needs and doesn’t respect your time or plans. He always chooses physically intimacy and avoids emotional intimacy.
Basically this is the guy that is showing you one glaring red flag after another. That when you add it all up, means that he’s just not available to really be there for you. Ready or able give you the love that you deserve.
If you’re trying to figure out if a guy is interested in a relationship or not. Then a guy that’s emotionally unavailable is one of the biggest signs that you should pay attention to. Because he’s not only not interested in getting serious with you. He’s unavailable to truly build the sort of connections that will lead to a healthy long-term committed relationship with you.
If would like to know how to attract an emotionally available man then read my post here >> 12 Ways To Attract An Emotionally Mature Man
17. He Says He Doesn’t Want A Relationship
A man telling you that he’s not looking for anything serious should seem like an obvious sign that he isn’t interested in a committed relationship. Yet, many women ignore a man telling them this.
Even when he let’s them know point blank that he like you but isn’t interested in settling down.
They hear the words but then tell themselves a different story. Something along the lines of.. “He says that now but once he gets to know the real me, and see how happy we can be together. He’ll change his mind”.
The truth is that when a man says he’s not interested in a relationship, that is truly what he means.
He won’t change his mind. And he won’t be ready, until he is ready.
But I also know that when a man likes you, but doesn’t want a relationship it can be really confusing to us.
Because what a man will do is state his desire not to commit, then add a disclaimer. Something similar to disclaimer statements mentioned above in signs #2 and #10.
Then he will continue to date the woman. He will treat her in a way that feels like it’s a relationship, but it really isn’t.
So the story that you tell yourself about him changing his mind can start to feel like an actual possibility. Even though it’s definitely not.
He believes he’s been honest with you about his desire for something casual. So in his mind that is now the agreement between you. And you shouldn’t be surprised when it turns out not to be the committed monogamous relationship that you wanted.
So the bottom line is this.
How to Know If He Isn’t Serious About You
When a man says that he doesn’t want a relationship with you but that he likes you. Or doesn’t want to put a label things. Or define the relationship. Or that he’s not the marrying kind. Believe him! Because it means that he’s not serious about taking things to the next level with you.
There could be any number of “why’s” that tell you that he’s not interested in settling down and committing. But at the end of the day the whys don’t matter.
And just because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t good enough either.
At the end of the day it comes down to this – you want different things out of life and that’s ok.
Be happy that he’s being honest with you. Thank him for being honest. Because now you don’t have to waste your time and energy trying to change his mind. Or trapped for years in a toxic relationship.
You can save yourself from living on crumbs and heartbreak.
And give yourself the gift of moving on. So your free to find the kind of relationship that you want. With a man that wants that too.
Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?
If he’s keeping you around but says he doesn’t want a relationship it’s because he does like being around you but not enough to take you seriously or commit you. When a guy tells you this it means that he’s not in a place in his life where he’s interested or ready to commit to a relationship with anyone. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t great. This is about him getting what he wants.
I know that this may be difficult to hear but it can also be empowering too. A man will keep stringing you along simply because he can. But he can only keep doing that for long as you keep coming back for more.
What To Do When He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You
If he doesn’t want a relationship with you then it’s up to you to take your power back. You must decide if you’re going to keep letting him have his cake and eat it too. Or if you’re going to live the life that you deserve and the one want. The life that includes a loving and serious relationship with an amazing man who is always there for you.
Because the truth is you do deserve better. You can have a great man in your life. However, before that happens. You have stop putting your time and attention into the wrong guy. Expecting him turn into something that he’s never going to be.
Many women have this idea of the perfect man. And that they’re settling if he’s anything less than she imagined.
But the truth is despite how amazing you think a guy is, if he doesn’t want a real relationship with you. Then you are settling for much less than you deserve.
Does He Want A Relationship (Early Signs Of What To Look For)
As you date, I highly encourage you to be curious about the men that you give your time to. Be up front about what you want, and listen to what he wants. Gather “dating data” and look for signs that he sees a future with you and truly is on the same path as you.
And keep in mind the following questions:
- Does he go out of his way to make time for you?
- Does he take you out on real dates?
- Does he consider your likes and dislikes when planning dates?
- Has he begun to integrate you into his life?
- Introduced you to his friends and family?
- Does he respect your time and invest in you?
- Is he open to having an emotionally mature conversation, about defining the relationship or planning future adventures together?
A man that is interested in having a relationship with you will be invested in making you happy. You will feel him coming towards you and building the relationship. You won’t have to always be wondering if he wants you. Or have to look for signs that he’s serious about you.
Because let’s get real, constantly looking for signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you is exhausting. And you deserve so much more.
**THE NEXT STEP**
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