36 Questions to Fall in Love & Spark Intimacy
Imagine an easy way to spark a connection that could lead to two strangers falling in love or deepen a relationship that you already have? This is the simple concept behind the 36 questions to fall in love.
The now famous 36 questions experiment was created by psychologists Arthur and Elaine Aron. Designed to encourage you and your partner to skip the awkward small talk and move straight to meaningful, lasting connections. By encouraging open, honest dialogue that builds trust and understanding between partners.
36 Questions To Fall In Love
Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
How To Do The 36 Questions
1. The 36 questions are broken down into 3 sets. Each set should take about 15 minutes. You and your partner should take turns and answer each question in an alternating order. This way a different person goes first each time.
2. Find a quiet, private place where you both feel relaxed and can speak openly without interruptions. This helps set the tone for an intimate and honest conversation.
3. Answer each question honestly and thoughtfully. The goal is to be open and vulnerable. This will help to build trust and understanding between you and your partner.
4. Each set of questions is more personal than the last. Start with the first set and move to the next only after completing the previous one. This gradual progression helps ease into deeper topics.
5. Maintain eye contact with your partner while both answering and listening. This is KEY, as maintaining eye contact helps to foster a sense of connection, trust and intimacy of the exercise.
Does It Work?
In my personal experience as a dating and relationship coach for several years now, the answer is yes. But maybe not in the way you think or hope it will. It does bring you and your partner closer. If you’re both willing to open up to the other, and share yourself in an honest and vulnerable way.
But will it make your crush fall wildly in love with you on your first date? Chances are you won’t be running away to elope the next day. However, it will help you to ignite the flame. To build connection and intimacy that can lead to genuine romantic love.
In addition to and most importantly, the intimate conversation will help to nurture a feeling of safety and connection that you can be loved for who you genuinely are. While giving you the start of a foundation to build a lasting relationship on.
Which is actually pretty amazing and magical. So if you’re looking to fall in love or get close to someone definitely give these questions a try.
For more questions, check out my first date questions. Different questions but same idea. Designed to see if that person is your special someone and get a real connection started. Enjoy!
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- 100 Pillow Talk Questions For Couples In Love
- Couples Question Game: 200 Fun Questions To Ask Your Partner
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Photo Credits – Unsplash, CanvaPro Sources (1,2, Research Arthur Aron, Ph.D., Elaine Aron, Ph.D)
