Here are 5 unexpected things that you do to find love, even though you’re stuck at home.
We are living in challenging times. Emotions are running high. With stress, fear, and anxiety at the forefront for many people. And if you’re single in this time of uncertainty? It can be even more of an emotional roller coaster.
With social distancing becoming the norm and no real end in sight. Knowing whether you should keep dating can be confusing. You might be wondering how you’re even supposed to date while you’re stuck at home.
It’s not like you can meet up for coffee or dinner!
Or you might be asking yourself if you should put dating on hold until things settle down?
While being single in these uncertain times is not easy. I don’t believe that it has to be a negative experience.
There are many ways that you can use this time for your own personal growth. To reconnect and nurture yourself, to heal past hurts and make a plan for your future.
And if you’re single, you can even use this time to find Mr. Right.
Before We Get Started
In the first part of this article I’m going to be talking about how to turn your fear into faith and a live with more presence and peace.
In the second part I’ll be sharing practical steps that you can take to have a better dating experience from home. This is quite a long post so if you’re feeling peaceful, calm and balanced then feel free to skip down to point two.
5 Unexpected Things That Can Help You Find Love (Even if You’re Stuck at Home)
1. Let Your Faith Be Bigger Than Your Fear
Simple Ways to Live With More Faith
Even though you may be feeling anxious, stressed and feeling more alone than ever.
Even if you’re worried or losing hope that your love life will never get back on track.
It’s important to take as many moments as you need to connect with the truth.
This is all temporary.
This will pass and you will find love. No matter what your current circumstances, you are powerful!
There is power and peace in presence.
Not living in the past or worrying about the future, but focusing on the present moment.
Hold Your Vision and Trust The Process
Faith isn’t something that you necessarily “have”. It’s more like something you do. Faith is a process.
Faith is found in all the little moments. And all the little ways that you hear the voice of fear, but choose to change your focus. And trust that everything is working out for you.
Even if you don’t have concrete evidence of a positive outcome. Or it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
If you find yourself catastrophizing and spinning in fear and doubt there are a few things you can do build your faith. Calm anxiety and get more into the present moment.
Accept and Re-Direct
Negative thoughts are going to come up. And when they do its ok to acknowledge that they are there. From that point on it’s going to be how you choose to respond to that thought, which will determine the experience that you will have.
Follow the negative, you’ll be stuck in a cycle of experiencing more negative thoughts and emotions. Creating new neural-pathways in your brain. Which in turn cause you to consistently respond to any future thoughts similarly (1).
Or you can do the opposite.
Acknowledge that fear, but then talk to it. Question it. Reframe the thought and tell a different story. Break the negative cycle.
Affirm that you choose positivity and to lean into your faith. Affirm to yourself that you can, and will, come out of this situation stronger than ever before.
You might not feel “happy” immediately. But what you will be doing is slowly but surely programming yourself to automatically redirect your thoughts. So you can feel more at peace with whatever comes up.
Which will in turn create more balance and a greater sense of over all happiness in your life.
Girl, Turn Off The News
Ever hear the expression “If it bleeds it leads.”? (2) That’s literally the mantra for mainstream media. They play to everyones deepest fears and constantly and consistently nurture that fear in their viewers.
The truth is there is more GOOD news in this world than bad.
But if you watch any mainstream media news source you would never know it. Because most of the time all they focus on is the worst of the worst. Which is literally programming you on a deep subconscious level to be fearful and scared.
In one study Graham Davey, a professor of psychology at Sussex University (3) found that immersing oneself in the news led to personal catastrophizing, increase in worry, and high levels of anxiety.
Extensive exposure to the news, has also been linked to people believing that their neighbourhoods are unsafe, crime is rising and can even lead to PTSD.
If you’re feeling fearful, anxious or stressed I highly encourage you to take an extended break from main stream media.
What you chose to watch, listen to and believe on a daily basis can have a profound impact on your health. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
But if you are self proclaimed “news junkie”, then try limiting yourself to just 20 minutes a day and see if you can feel a difference.
Look To Nature
Do you find yourself feeling like things will only get worse? Or that nothing will ever change for you?
Then it can be helpful to look to nature. Everything has its cycles. Spring always follows winter.
The same will be true for your life.
Things are always working in your favor. But sometimes you only see dirt or a bare branch. But you can rest assured that leaves will sprout from those bare branches. And flowers, and fruit.
Your love life can be the same.
If you heal, keep learning, dating and taking inspired action…
The right man will be right there beside you, holding your hand soon enough.
Practice Meditation or Mindfulness
Meditation is excellent for helping you feel present. With many benefits that include reduced stress and anxiety. And it doesn’t have to be a big production of you sitting there and thinking about “nothing” for an hour either.
It can be as simple as sitting quietly or following your breath for 5 minutes.
If you can’t stand sitting in silence, then try a guided meditation, mindful walking or focusing on relaxing music while you breathe.
Practice Daily Affirmations
Affirmations can be so helpful in changing ones mindset and life for the better!
2. Clear Your Dating Clutter
We all have clutter. But in this case I’m not just talking about your overstuffed closets or shining up those dusty winter windows.
I’m talking about your dating life. And all those old dating habits that might be preventing you from finding the right man.
Just like we all have the clutter of stuff. If you’ve been dating awhile, you probably also have some baggage. That can totally be kicked to the curb.
There are 3 main areas you can focus on when doing your purge.
There’s electronic emotional clutter, past relationship clutter as well as any daily habits that are keeping you stuck.
3. Give Your Online Dating Profile A Facelift
If you’re stuck at home, connecting with men on a dating app / site or social media is pretty much your best option. Re-energize (or set up) your online dating profile with a focus on the following areas:
Choose The Best Online Dating Site / Apps For Your Needs
The Best sites / apps for meeting relationship minded singles are Match.com, Hinge and Bumble. Next would be Tinder or OkCupid. However on Tinder and OkCupid there are a lot more people looking for casual. So you will have to take your time and weed through a lot more people to find them.
Refresh Your Profile Picture
Most people’s photos are old or outdated. If you have them, add more recent photos. If you don’t, you can try changing the order of the ones you already have. You’d be surprised at how changing your main profile photo can peak new interest.
If you realize that the photos you have just aren’t working. You have a couple of options. You can be proactive and schedule a photoshoot for a month or so from now with a photographer or even a friend. Or use the timer on your camera or smartphone to take some yourself.
Update Your Written Profile
Great photos are essential for getting a man’s attention online. But the written part of your profile is the key to attracting the RIGHT man.
If you aren’t meeting the kind of guy that you want to meet. I highly recommend polishing up the written portion of your profile.
Common problems are boring lengthy text or barely there text. Vagueness, negativity, self-deprecating or too picky.
Make it a point to share about who you really are, what you value and who you’re looking for. For more on how to write a profile read 5 easy ways to upgrade your profile here and why you’re not getting any messages here.
4. Do Something Different!
Even if you’re stuck on the couch you can still get out of your comfort zone and do something different.
I can’t stress this point enough. If you keep doing the same old thing and its not working, then how you expect the next time to be any different?
A few simple thing you do to get out of your comfort zone are…
– Try a different site or app (or getting online for the first time).
– Send a first message to a guy that you really like.
– If you’ve been hiding a part of yourself on your dating profile. Try putting your real age, height or a current full body pic up.
– Open up your search parameters and options to men who are 2-3 inches shorter or taller than you would normally go for.
– Or who might be 3 to 5 years younger or older.
Or try #5 on the list….
5. Start Dating Virtually
If you’ve been on the apps talking to guys, good for you! But in order to find out if this could be something special, we all know that you have to get off the apps. Stop the endless texting and meet in real life.
But of course that’s not really going to work for most people at this time.
It also important not to get stuck a “text-tationship”(5) that is never really going to go anywhere.
This is where the virtual date comes in. Because even though you’re physically apart there’s still plenty of opportunity for connection.
Quick note here, I typically recommend a phone call first. But, in this case you can chose to do that or get right to the video date if that feels comfortable to you.
To get you started I have a few virtual date suggestions below…
Virtual First Date Ideas
2. Binge Netflix reality dating shows together – Love is Blind or Dating Around
3. Online / App games – Like words with friends, etc.
4. Virtual cooking class / Youtube tutorial
5. Virtual Happy Hour – Chat on Facetime, Zoom, House Party or Skype, Bumble.
Zoom Dating Safety Tip
If you’re going to go on a Zoom Date its important to note that Zoom meetings can be recorded.
I highly recommend that you practice safe dating and create the meeting link yourself.
Use a special scheduled meeting link not just a general one. Then set it so you don’t allow it to be recorded. Then you can send him the meeting link.
If you aren’t sure how to do this. Then go with something else that doesn’t allow video chats to be recorded. Remember you don’t know this man so its better to safe than sorry.
At the End of the Day…
Even though it might not be the most ideal time to be dating, it’s not impossible. But it’s not a must either!
You have options. If dating at this time isn’t for you or if you are fearful about dating in general.
Or if you feel like everything you’ve been doing to find love just isn’t working. It’s also ok to take a step back from dating right now.
Take some time for yourself. To regroup, practice self care and reconnect with yourself. To heal what needs to be healed.
Learn what really makes you happy. Get clear on what you really want for your love life and make a new plan to get it.
You may feel lonely, isolated and craving connection. But being in a relationship doesn’t make you happy and being single won’t kill you.
In fact many people in long term relationships report (6) that they are actually deeply lonely.
So yes, you may be single. You aren’t alone. The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself.
Learning how to just be with yourself.
Practicing self acceptance, and self love and can be a deeply rewarding experience. And in the end one that will greatly benefit you in your search for a deeply rewarding committed relationship.
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