The warning signs of a player aren’t always obvious. If you’ve been single and dating in the last few years, chances are you’ve had a close encounter with a player. With some of these guys, it’s easy to see the warning signs right away. They’ve got cheesy pick up lines and a vibe that just screams “I’m all about the game life”- trying just a little too hard.
But others are masters of manipulation. And the warning signs that he’s playing you and he will never be serious about you. Well, unfortunately they aren’t always so easy to spot. Fooling even the savviest of women. And in the end leaving them confused and heartbroken.
Does this sound familiar? He was handsome, well-spoken, successful and charming. From the minute you met, you felt special and completely swept off your feet!
It was such a nice change to finally meet a confident man that you have chemistry with. AND knows how to treat you like a lady!
When you spend time together it feels great, yet other times it can be confusing. He can be distant….and then there’s that feeling in the pit of your stomach. One that just won’t go away. You can’t help but wonder if something is off…
You’re starting to ask yourself, what the signs are of a player are. Is he genuinely interested in you? Or not serious, and totally playing you?
The 10 Warning Signs That he’s a player, Not A Keeper
Warning Sign #1 – His First Approach Is Slick & Easy
The Player will come on strong, and in total control. Dressed impeccably, he makes you feel beautiful and that he’s totally blown away by you. He’s even charming and engaging with your friends. You notice that he exudes confidence and has no problem talking to multiple women.
Most men are terrified of rejection. Even the successful ones that have a lot of confidence can be a bit on the shy side when it comes to approaching women in public.
A man that’s relationship material, will want to be respectful of you and will be looking for a sign that it’s OK for him to approach you. When you connect, he won’t be a smooth talker because he’s used to being in a relationship. Not out every night chatting up women.
Warning Sign #2 – He Always Asks You Out At The Last Minute
He’s in the habit of texting you at the last minute. Usually way too late to get dinner, so instead you should “just come over to his place”. He’s been SO busy at work, but thinking about you. He’ll turn on the charm and apply a sense of urgency to see you NOW.
Yes, work happens, sometimes the unavoidable comes up. However, when a man is interested and serious about you, he will consistently make plans and ask you out in advance.
If this is a regular habit it’s a major red flag to pay attention to.
Warning Sign #3 – He Cancels At The Last Minute
He makes the date, but cancels at the last minute. Or doesn’t show up at all, usually without any explanation. Only to crawl out of the woodwork days later with another lame excuse about how “busy” he is.
Unless, there’s been a horrible accident, there is absolutely no reason this should be happening. And no reason that you should be giving him a more than one second chance.
Relationship material guy will make his plans with you a top priority and he wouldn’t think of standing you up.
Warning Sign #4 – He Doesn’t Make Weekend Plans With You
Is the only time you ever see him on a specific day during the regular work week?
When you ask about his weekend plans is he vague or dismissive?
If your current status is “Thursday Night Girl”, chances are there’s also a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday night girl. Which means that he’s leaving his weekends open. Most likely to hang with “the boys”, and fill his dance card up even more.
Warning Sign #5 – He’s Hot and Cold
Your relationship has a push pull dynamic with no certainty or consistency.
One day he’s all over you – the next minute going cold or disappearing without a word.
Warning Sign #6 – He Won’t Talk About A Future With You
If asked directly he’ll make sure you know that he isn’t interested in a committed relationship.
Unfortunately, you might not exactly understand that’s what he’s really saying. Because these guys tend to be sweet talkers. Saying one thing and then doing another.
Some typical things you might hear from him are:
“I really enjoy spending time with you, but I’m really busy with work right now.”
“I really like you, but right now I just want to have fun.”
“Let’s hang out.”
“I just broke up with someone, I’m not ready to get serious yet, let’s see where things go.”
“Come over to my place, I’ll make you dinner.” or “I’ll bring take out to your place.”
The problem is often when you couple what he’s saying with his charm. The chemistry you feel and that hot and cold dynamic? Many women don’t hear the truth.
Instead they start living on little “crumbs” of a potential relationship that isn’t real. And a player he won’t feel guilty (1) about it either. Because in his mind he’s been upfront with you. Even if it wasn’t exactly crystal clear.
If he’s a keeper, he’ll be clear that he’s interested in a future. You won’t have to wonder if he’s your boyfriend or if its an actual date, you’ll know.
Warning Sign #7 – A Player is Secretive
A player won’t let you in on the intimate details of his life and doesn’t seem all that interested in yours.
His phone is usually on silent or vibrate mode, and he takes it everywhere. He hides his texts and leaves the room to take calls.
You may know the basics about him, but when you think about it, you don’t really know much else. When a man is secretive, pay attention. Because its a red flag that he’s more likely to be unfaithful (2) to you.
Healthy relationships grow more intimate overtime. Boyfriend material won’t keep you guessing about what is or isn’t going on with him.
Warning Sign #8 – He Doesn’t Introduce You To His Friends or Family
This can be an important step, so its good to keep in mind that everyone will be on their own time table for what they are and are not comfortable with. However, if it’s been longer than six months and you haven’t received an invitation to meet at least a few people that are closest to him. It’s time to take notice.
Yes, meeting family can be a bigger deal, but meeting his friends in a casual setting, getting invited to small group events or parties is a normal part of the dating process. If he’s not interested in more than a casual fling, then he won’t bother making the effort with you.
On the other hand, if he see’s a future with you, he’ll want to see how you fit into all areas of his life. He’ll be looking to have the stamp of approval from his closest friends and vice versa – you with them.
Warning Sign #9 – He Won’t Make Holiday Plans With You
If you’re not his priority, he’s going to be doing everything he can to avoid giving you the impression that he’s emotionally and physically available to you for special occasions.
He’ll always have have other plans and you’re not invited, no matter how long you’ve been together.
Warning Sign #10 – Your Intuition Will Tell You
Its easy to get swept away by good looks, charm and chemistry – the bad boy can be so very sexy..
If you’re reading this right now, looking for warning signs he’s a player or how to spot a player… then maybe deep down, you already know in your heart that something isn’t quite right.
If thinking about where you stand with him makes you feel insecure or causes you anxiety.
If you feel manipulated, lied to and drained.
If you are tired of playing mind games.
If something is telling you that he’s no good for you.
That you deserve better.
Then you probably do.
Related – Is He Playing Me?
What To Do If He’s A Player (And Will Never Be Serious About You)
If you are feeling this way and you’re tired of his games, then you have a decision to make.
You can continue to waste your time and energy, obsessing over a man that’s never going to prioritize, value or love you, the way you need to be loved.
Or you can decide, that you will no longer settle for less than you deserve.
Decide that you are no longer available for anything less than your ideal man and ideal relationship.
There is a man out there that will love and treat you well.
That will adore you and make you a priority.
He might be busy with work, building his career, but he will always make time for you.
He will communicate consistently, he will make plans, his actions will match his words.
You can trust him and he can trust you. He’ll be open about his life, he won’t worry about you seeing his messages or leaving his phone alone in a room with you.
Intimacy will blossom, and he’ll share more of himself and living space with you and want to share more of yours.
He’ll start to talk about you as a couple, actively planning a future with you. He’ll start to use the words “we” instead of “I” around family and friends.
The truth is, a high quality man that’s interested in having a committed relationship with you is not ever going to make you wonder.
You’ll feel more at peace, confident about his intentions, his commitment to you and where the relationship is going.
And if you don’t, if you know that something is up with him and that he will never be serious about you?
Then its time to trust yourself and the warning signs that he’s a player, so you can let him go and find your Keeper.
**THE NEXT STEP**
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You can also read more on this topic on my post on Eligible Magazine…